2015 has been a year and a half. Now that we have passed the halfway mark, I am really hoping the year improves because it hasnt been all that to be honest. 2015 can do better.

July also marks me turning 28 and a half, and like I said it has been quite the year.

I ushered in the new year in Nairobi, which I think could be part of the problem. Never doing that again if I have anything to do with it. For some reason I just didnt have high hopes for the year. I am still tryna shake off that feeling just incase I seal my own fate.

Doesn’t it suck when good memories are tied to people who you are working hard to forget? Then the bad memories somehow find a way to sneak into your head and take you to that horrible place again?

The first half of 2015 to be honest was just me trying to love myself and rebuilding my self worth after someone tore it down. I am not proud of the fact that I was kinda broken.

I am now almost 98% whole again and it feels really good. A lot of lessons learned and for sure nobody is going to take my power again, I hope. Good thing about blogging is you can read this just to remind yourself of these life lessons.

This was the year I discovered just how strong I am. To be honest I didnt think I was weak before, but I cant help but question the need for some things to happen.

Before I would have said that it’s all in God’s plan but not anymore. What is his plan? Why do somethings happen? Is it in his plan for bad things to happen like death, rape, accidents etc? Sometimes I wonder why God would create someone just for their fate to be to die in some horrible act of terrorism for example. It just doesnt make sense to me anymore.

Right now I am kinda lost when it comes to my faith. I have had some difficult times and I didnt know where to turn to because I am upset with God. So I have just been outchea hanging in limbo because deep down I need something to believe in and I wont let it be him. That’s like the worst feeling when you dont know who to turn to for help, or who to thank.

I guess I would rather not turn to God because I dont wanna be more pissed at him and blame for all the shit that goes wrong.

This post wasnt meant to be about my crisis in faith, but i guess it is still a part of me at 28.5 years old.

I am trying not to be afraid of going out and getting what I want. I am in control of my own happiness and I no longer do shit just because I want to please others. I am not looking for acceptance, I have been different my whole life. This is me, take it or leave it. I am still struggling with a few things here and there, like thinking that how i treat others is how they will treat me. I am starting to think that maybe i need to become more selfish, thinking about others first has always just made me sad or hurt me and doesnt seem worth it anymore.  I am not perfect, in fact i try embrace my imperfections as much as i can.

I think I would love myself a whole lot more if people didnt make me feel bad about the person that i am. Not that i am saying that i get negative vibes all the time, just that the sad reality of life is that the bad things is what sticks with us most of the time. Whether what they say is true or not, it still stings nonetheless.

I am still growing and trying to discover who I am, maybe also trying to change in some way. I dont want to stay the same because that means nothing will change. I am at that point in my life where i am yearning for new things and new experiences.

My motto for the rest of the year is to do me, not to accept mediocre shit, to work as hard as I can, and above all else to be happy.

I dont have any grand plans for the rest of the year, I will just play it by ear I guess.

May all my pain be in the form of champagne


One of my biggest fears when it comes to anything I post online is that i am foreseeing something that’s gonna happen in future. The fact that i subconsciously knew what would happen to me creeps me out.

I was going through my Twitter favorites this past weekend and came across this:


I stumbled upon this in December, when i was pumped with endorphins and very happy, and even then I felt some type of way just reading it. I felt afraid that the moment wouldn’t last and it was not a feeling I was ready to lose at the time.

Well, ish got taken away and I am still happy when my head is not filled with negativity. I want to be able to control my own happiness and not base it on things or on people.

If happiness is a choice, can I choose to have it forever on my own terms? I dont want to not enjoy moments because it’s a sign it will be taken away. I dont want to be responsible for other people’s happiness, only for them to take it for granted. I am going to be selfish with my joy.

One thing I have always struggled with is seeking validation from other people. This wanting to be liked business is something I inherited from one of my parents and it’s something I have been fighting to take control of.

I know some people who really do not give a hoot about what other’s think of them and i greatly admire them for that.

I am trying to tell myself that i am a unique flavor that not everyone will like but part of me wonders why I am not as tasty to some people. Maybe it’s because I seem to think that I am the ish and it’s impossible for people not to know this ;) I am slowly learning to get over myself and not to give a damn about people’s opinions. I am like 67% there lol

One thing I am coming to learn and dislike is the fact that we are all work in progress. God/the universe or whatever seems to find the need to take us through things so that we can grow or whatever *rolls eyes*.  Like we will never be good enough, things will get thrown our way to mold us into other things and not necessarily make us better human beings. What’s the point? Will this cycle ever end?

These are just some of the things that have been running through my head of late.




1st of the month


Damn, i have been trying to write this post all week. Anyhoosmu, this picture really represents the month of May. It’s all about me :)

April Highlights

My Easter was really chilled out, got plenty of RnR.

My friend got married earlier this month, and he looked so happy he was dancing down the aisle :)

I got to drive high end luxury vehicles that i thought I would only get to ride in on my wedding day. It was so much fun and exhilarating, plus I realised those cars are expensive for a reason. The car practically drives itself!

I was interviewed on Capital In the Morning and it was so much fun. There’s a reason they call it the midweek party, and we had a blast kicking it with the team in studio.

I had my many cheap thrills, good times discovering new spots in Nairobi and meeting old friends.

April Downsides

I have become socially awkward, I cannot do small talk anymore!

I keep finding out unpleasant ish every other time. I just wish this story would die once and for all grrr.

Things are a bit weird between God and I. When things were bad 1 or 2 months ago, I really prayed and I went to church but I feel like my prayers went unheard. I am questioning a lot of things and basically things are just awkward between us right now. Anyway maybe we need some space..

I had a confrontation with someone that I kinda regret but not really because it was something that had bothered me for a while.

April Discoveries

I am stronger than I ever thought I was.

I need to learn how to accept compliments.

Gotta work on this passive aggression business.

What I Look Forward To In May

May has started out so well :)

I have 2 trips scheduled for this month, plus Im going white water rafting in 2 weeks.

I am just way more optimistic about this month, even in January I really didnt have high hopes for this year. So I am gonna do everything I can to make this month rock.

How was April for you? What are you looking forward to in May?

My Funky Friday Theme Song :)

Random Monday Musings

    • It’s funny how people who do not really know you are able to read a lot from your demeanor even if they do not know what your current situation is.
    • I have no idea how to read people anymore, like Drake I think I now have trust issues #welp
    • My body has refused junk food. I had half a burger and 3/4 chips and I thought I was gonna explode!
    • My cravings drastically reduced, yay me!
    • Dont you hate it when you get foot in mouth disease? Im coming to learn that assumptions are the mother of all eff ups. But it was all for a good cause so to be honest I regret nothing.
    • There’s always that moment when you realize how good you have got it, cherish it.
    • There’s nothing as freeing as having zero expectations, pure bliss.
    • I miss my natural hair so bad! Also, I am planning on dying it and i am uber excited!
    • I cannot get enough of this song, i play it every single morning when i wake up
  • I came to realize I love what I do, and maybe not even money can convince me to change it.  Maybe…
  • I cannot believe Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel named their son Silas.
  • Thank you Lord for power plates ;)
  • I just need 1 day where i can go to a bar and order a line of shots. Soon.
  • It’s finally hometime! BYE!


So i’ve been meaning to do 1st of the month for a while now, and seeing that it’s now the 13th it may be too late for me so i have decided to write this post and simply take stock of what’s been going on.

First up, something I am super stoked about is my fitness journey. I still work out 5 to 6 times a week, and my clothes are now getting loose and I love it :) It’s fun watching my body change, and gain some functionalities that I wasn’t blessed with at birth. Working out has been an excellent avenue for me to vent my frustrations on, and trust me I have been very frustrated. I dont think I will go back to my old habits, so I hope to make this lifestyle change permanent.

I plan on participating in a run this year, I’m thinking maybe Mater Heart Run but we will see. Last time i participated in a walk was in 2003 and I couldnt walk for a day. I’m hoping this wont be the case this year seeing that I believe my leg is stronger.

I started working with some people on a project which can actually improve society and so far it’s been fun and exciting. I am really looking forward to playing a part in helping it grow.

I am going back to school next month, and I am kinda excited about it which is shocking. I was happy to come across a Master’s program which is in line with what I am passionate about. I am crossing my fingers this wont bring a conflict with the other stuff that I already have on my plate.

My mother has always been telling me ever since I could remember not to be too trusting, that people do not always have good intentions as much as I would like to believe. She keeps telling me this because she knows that unfortunately I like to think that people are good until they prove otherwise.

Well, I have learnt the head way. People are only looking out for themselves. No matter how genuine someone may seem, it could all just be lies.

The only silver lining is that this revelation hasn’t made me as bitter and as angry as i thought i would be. It’s whatever right now to be honest. I feel kinda lost on many things, so operating on zombie mode is my M.O at the moment.

Anyway 2015 has not quite started out as well as I would have liked it to, but by George I will do everything in my power to steer it in the right direction.

Blog therapy

This blog has been up since 2009, and if you have been an avid follower you may have noticed that there are rises and slumps when it comes to my blogging.

I tend to blog when I am inspired, when I have time, when I am going through something or when I just feel like I need to be heard for whatever reason. This space is more about me than entertaining you who is reading this.

I like jotting down my thoughts especially when I feel like I need to empty my head. Right now my mind still isn’t the best place to be. I am struggling to control my thoughts, what goes in there and the direction they lead me to.

Bed time and mornings are the absolute worst times, plus Sunday afternoons. Today morning for some reason was particularly difficult, I thought I was gonna cry at one point but the tears wouldn’t come out..

I would really love to run away from my thoughts, from that sinking feeling from the pit of my stomach and the depths of my soul. All these feelings seem to be going away slowly, I just wish it would go away faster because I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I came across a blog I had long forgotten called Marc and Angel Hack Life that I used to like reading once upon a time.  It has some brilliant tips for productive living that I have decided to go through.

Today i discovered this article: 12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength and I just need to highlight a few things that resonated with me, and hopefully for future reference:

  • At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain.
  • Pain is for the living – for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime.  Only the dead don’t feel it, because their time is already up.
  • The frequent attempt to conceal emotional pain increases the burden. This is me admitting I am in emotional pain by the way :p
  • You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.
  • Emotionally detach yourself from your problems. I dunno how this works for someone with all of the feels.
  • Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. I have really struggled to find out what this experience is meant to teach me..
  • A big part of your life is a result of the choices you make.  If you don’t like some part of your life, then it is time to start making changes and better choices.
  • “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
  • There is always a reason to celebrate.
  • “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”  No matter what sort of difficulties, or how painful an experience is, if you lose your hope, that’s your real tragedy. I am struggling with this..
  • Remind yourself that you are not alone.
  • The truth is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.
  • Remember, strength doesn’t come from comfort; it comes from stretching your comfort zone and overcoming all the things you once thought you couldn’t handle.
  • In the end, the strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it.



Thank God It’s Friday!!

I am so grateful that this long week is over, I think I deserve a medal for surviving through it like a rockstar :)

Remember when we were little girls and our biggest aspirations was to be the girl who presented the president with a bouquet of flowers at official events? Saw a picture today that had me all nostalgic.

I miss blog challenges as well, but I feel like people are too busy not blogging or being online influencers to take the time to take part in one..

I am excited about

Going to see my cousin tomorrow, I am so stoked actually.

Today I Am Feeling

kinda hopeful even if I am not meant to be..

Today’s Funky Friday Theme Song Is

This song is such a banger!

I am craving

peace of mind.

I wish

I knew how to make my hair shine :-/

I hope

Things will continue getting easier.

Today’s Inspirational Quote Is


Have A Fantastic Friday!