WIP

One of my biggest fears when it comes to anything I post online is that i am foreseeing something that’s gonna happen in future. The fact that i subconsciously knew what would happen to me creeps me out.

I was going through my Twitter favorites this past weekend and came across this:

happy

I stumbled upon this in December, when i was pumped with endorphins and very happy, and even then I felt some type of way just reading it. I felt afraid that the moment wouldn’t last and it was not a feeling I was ready to lose at the time.

Well, ish got taken away and I am still happy when my head is not filled with negativity. I want to be able to control my own happiness and not base it on things or on people.

If happiness is a choice, can I choose to have it forever on my own terms? I dont want to not enjoy moments because it’s a sign it will be taken away. I dont want to be responsible for other people’s happiness, only for them to take it for granted. I am going to be selfish with my joy.

One thing I have always struggled with is seeking validation from other people. This wanting to be liked business is something I inherited from one of my parents and it’s something I have been fighting to take control of.

I know some people who really do not give a hoot about what other’s think of them and i greatly admire them for that.

I am trying to tell myself that i am a unique flavor that not everyone will like but part of me wonders why I am not as tasty to some people. Maybe it’s because I seem to think that I am the ish and it’s impossible for people not to know this ;) I am slowly learning to get over myself and not to give a damn about people’s opinions. I am like 67% there lol

One thing I am coming to learn and dislike is the fact that we are all work in progress. God/the universe or whatever seems to find the need to take us through things so that we can grow or whatever *rolls eyes*.  Like we will never be good enough, things will get thrown our way to mold us into other things and not necessarily make us better human beings. What’s the point? Will this cycle ever end?

These are just some of the things that have been running through my head of late.

 

 

 

1st of the month

may

Damn, i have been trying to write this post all week. Anyhoosmu, this picture really represents the month of May. It’s all about me :)

April Highlights

My Easter was really chilled out, got plenty of RnR.

My friend got married earlier this month, and he looked so happy he was dancing down the aisle :)

I got to drive high end luxury vehicles that i thought I would only get to ride in on my wedding day. It was so much fun and exhilarating, plus I realised those cars are expensive for a reason. The car practically drives itself!

I was interviewed on Capital In the Morning and it was so much fun. There’s a reason they call it the midweek party, and we had a blast kicking it with the team in studio.

I had my many cheap thrills, good times discovering new spots in Nairobi and meeting old friends.

April Downsides

I have become socially awkward, I cannot do small talk anymore!

I keep finding out unpleasant ish every other time. I just wish this story would die once and for all grrr.

Things are a bit weird between God and I. When things were bad 1 or 2 months ago, I really prayed and I went to church but I feel like my prayers went unheard. I am questioning a lot of things and basically things are just awkward between us right now. Anyway maybe we need some space..

I had a confrontation with someone that I kinda regret but not really because it was something that had bothered me for a while.

April Discoveries

I am stronger than I ever thought I was.

I need to learn how to accept compliments.

Gotta work on this passive aggression business.

What I Look Forward To In May

May has started out so well :)

I have 2 trips scheduled for this month, plus Im going white water rafting in 2 weeks.

I am just way more optimistic about this month, even in January I really didnt have high hopes for this year. So I am gonna do everything I can to make this month rock.

How was April for you? What are you looking forward to in May?

My Funky Friday Theme Song :)

Random Monday Musings

    • It’s funny how people who do not really know you are able to read a lot from your demeanor even if they do not know what your current situation is.
    • I have no idea how to read people anymore, like Drake I think I now have trust issues #welp
    • My body has refused junk food. I had half a burger and 3/4 chips and I thought I was gonna explode!
    • My cravings drastically reduced, yay me!
    • Dont you hate it when you get foot in mouth disease? Im coming to learn that assumptions are the mother of all eff ups. But it was all for a good cause so to be honest I regret nothing.
    • There’s always that moment when you realize how good you have got it, cherish it.
    • There’s nothing as freeing as having zero expectations, pure bliss.
    • I miss my natural hair so bad! Also, I am planning on dying it and i am uber excited!
    • I cannot get enough of this song, i play it every single morning when i wake up
  • I came to realize I love what I do, and maybe not even money can convince me to change it.  Maybe…
  • I cannot believe Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel named their son Silas.
  • Thank you Lord for power plates ;)
  • I just need 1 day where i can go to a bar and order a line of shots. Soon.
  • It’s finally hometime! BYE!

Aloha

So i’ve been meaning to do 1st of the month for a while now, and seeing that it’s now the 13th it may be too late for me so i have decided to write this post and simply take stock of what’s been going on.

First up, something I am super stoked about is my fitness journey. I still work out 5 to 6 times a week, and my clothes are now getting loose and I love it :) It’s fun watching my body change, and gain some functionalities that I wasn’t blessed with at birth. Working out has been an excellent avenue for me to vent my frustrations on, and trust me I have been very frustrated. I dont think I will go back to my old habits, so I hope to make this lifestyle change permanent.

I plan on participating in a run this year, I’m thinking maybe Mater Heart Run but we will see. Last time i participated in a walk was in 2003 and I couldnt walk for a day. I’m hoping this wont be the case this year seeing that I believe my leg is stronger.

I started working with some people on a project which can actually improve society and so far it’s been fun and exciting. I am really looking forward to playing a part in helping it grow.

I am going back to school next month, and I am kinda excited about it which is shocking. I was happy to come across a Master’s program which is in line with what I am passionate about. I am crossing my fingers this wont bring a conflict with the other stuff that I already have on my plate.

My mother has always been telling me ever since I could remember not to be too trusting, that people do not always have good intentions as much as I would like to believe. She keeps telling me this because she knows that unfortunately I like to think that people are good until they prove otherwise.

Well, I have learnt the head way. People are only looking out for themselves. No matter how genuine someone may seem, it could all just be lies.

The only silver lining is that this revelation hasn’t made me as bitter and as angry as i thought i would be. It’s whatever right now to be honest. I feel kinda lost on many things, so operating on zombie mode is my M.O at the moment.

Anyway 2015 has not quite started out as well as I would have liked it to, but by George I will do everything in my power to steer it in the right direction.

Blog therapy

This blog has been up since 2009, and if you have been an avid follower you may have noticed that there are rises and slumps when it comes to my blogging.

I tend to blog when I am inspired, when I have time, when I am going through something or when I just feel like I need to be heard for whatever reason. This space is more about me than entertaining you who is reading this.

I like jotting down my thoughts especially when I feel like I need to empty my head. Right now my mind still isn’t the best place to be. I am struggling to control my thoughts, what goes in there and the direction they lead me to.

Bed time and mornings are the absolute worst times, plus Sunday afternoons. Today morning for some reason was particularly difficult, I thought I was gonna cry at one point but the tears wouldn’t come out..

I would really love to run away from my thoughts, from that sinking feeling from the pit of my stomach and the depths of my soul. All these feelings seem to be going away slowly, I just wish it would go away faster because I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I came across a blog I had long forgotten called Marc and Angel Hack Life that I used to like reading once upon a time.  It has some brilliant tips for productive living that I have decided to go through.

Today i discovered this article: 12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength and I just need to highlight a few things that resonated with me, and hopefully for future reference:

  • At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain.
  • Pain is for the living – for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime.  Only the dead don’t feel it, because their time is already up.
  • The frequent attempt to conceal emotional pain increases the burden. This is me admitting I am in emotional pain by the way :p
  • You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.
  • Emotionally detach yourself from your problems. I dunno how this works for someone with all of the feels.
  • Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. I have really struggled to find out what this experience is meant to teach me..
  • A big part of your life is a result of the choices you make.  If you don’t like some part of your life, then it is time to start making changes and better choices.
  • “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
  • There is always a reason to celebrate.
  • “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”  No matter what sort of difficulties, or how painful an experience is, if you lose your hope, that’s your real tragedy. I am struggling with this..
  • Remind yourself that you are not alone.
  • The truth is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.
  • Remember, strength doesn’t come from comfort; it comes from stretching your comfort zone and overcoming all the things you once thought you couldn’t handle.
  • In the end, the strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it.

 

TGIFridays!!

Thank God It’s Friday!!

I am so grateful that this long week is over, I think I deserve a medal for surviving through it like a rockstar :)

Remember when we were little girls and our biggest aspirations was to be the girl who presented the president with a bouquet of flowers at official events? Saw a picture today that had me all nostalgic.

I miss blog challenges as well, but I feel like people are too busy not blogging or being online influencers to take the time to take part in one..

I am excited about

Going to see my cousin tomorrow, I am so stoked actually.

Today I Am Feeling

kinda hopeful even if I am not meant to be..

Today’s Funky Friday Theme Song Is


This song is such a banger!

I am craving

peace of mind.

I wish

I knew how to make my hair shine :-/

I hope

Things will continue getting easier.

Today’s Inspirational Quote Is

hmm
hmm

Have A Fantastic Friday!

Today is a good day

I had like over 8 hours of sleep last night and woke up ready to kick this day’s ass. I pumped major metal what’s major to me may be minor to you at the gym and my hands are so sore but i still feel good :)

I started this fit life business in the beginning of February, and so far I am loving it. I do not know where I am getting the stamina to get out of bed and head to the gym, avoiding traffic is a very good motivator though.

I’ve been eating healthier and working out almost 6 times a week, I really do not know who I have become.  I dont even feel like eating junk which was something that was always on my mind. It feels strange but I like it.


This song has been playing around me all week, I think Wizkid has mastered the winning hit formula.

I will leave you with something I spotted online today

Food for thought
Food for thought