This blog has been up since 2009, and if you have been an avid follower you may have noticed that there are rises and slumps when it comes to my blogging.
I tend to blog when I am inspired, when I have time, when I am going through something or when I just feel like I need to be heard for whatever reason. This space is more about me than entertaining you who is reading this.
I like jotting down my thoughts especially when I feel like I need to empty my head. Right now my mind still isn’t the best place to be. I am struggling to control my thoughts, what goes in there and the direction they lead me to.
Bed time and mornings are the absolute worst times, plus Sunday afternoons. Today morning for some reason was particularly difficult, I thought I was gonna cry at one point but the tears wouldn’t come out..
I would really love to run away from my thoughts, from that sinking feeling from the pit of my stomach and the depths of my soul. All these feelings seem to be going away slowly, I just wish it would go away faster because I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I came across a blog I had long forgotten called Marc and Angel Hack Life that I used to like reading once upon a time. It has some brilliant tips for productive living that I have decided to go through.
I am so grateful that this long week is over, I think I deserve a medal for surviving through it like a rockstar :)
Remember when we were little girls and our biggest aspirations was to be the girl who presented the president with a bouquet of flowers at official events? Saw a picture today that had me all nostalgic.
I miss blog challenges as well, but I feel like people are too busy not blogging or being online influencers to take the time to take part in one..
I am excited about
Going to see my cousin tomorrow, I am so stoked actually.
I had like over 8 hours of sleep last night and woke up ready to kick this day’s ass. I pumped major metal what’s major to me may be minor to you at the gym and my hands are so sore but i still feel good :)
I started this fit life business in the beginning of February, and so far I am loving it. I do not know where I am getting the stamina to get out of bed and head to the gym, avoiding traffic is a very good motivator though.
I’ve been eating healthier and working out almost 6 times a week, I really do not know who I have become. I dont even feel like eating junk which was something that was always on my mind. It feels strange but I like it.
This song has been playing around me all week, I think Wizkid has mastered the winning hit formula.
I will leave you with something I spotted online today
I joined a new gym in February and so far I am loving it. It’s convenient as it’s just next to my office, and the facilities are pretty good as well. I dont think I have ever made as much of an effort to work out as I do now, and i am already seeing results :)
I had fun celebrating the February babies that i know during this month as well.
I cut my hair a week before my birthday in January, so i joined the naptural movement. It’s been good so far, though i now get why it’s called a journey seeing that so much work is involved. I love how healthy and thick my hair is, it had really been thinning out when it was relaxed and i was never happy with it that way.
I discovered what I want to pursue for my Masters, and i got accepted at a great school :)
It’s been a hard month that i wont lie. I have never been able to adjust to change, especially when i dont know what brought it on, and if i feel like nothing needed to change. Been struggling with that and i am at the stage where something’s really gotta give.
This natural hair thing isn’t easy, people feel the need to keep touching your hair, and commenting about it. That ish needs to die.
I hate feeling like i am not the best version of myself.
The same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of… not the circumstances.
Self preservation is key.
How was your February? What are you looking forward to in March?
“You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘Wow, isn’t he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.”
“you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.”
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.”
“give your daughters difficult names. give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. my name makes you want to tell me the truth. my name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right.”
“two people who were once very close can
or grand betrayal
perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world.”
“how far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps?
how often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short?
why do you find the unavailable so alluring?
where did it begin? what went wrong? and who made you feel so worthless?
if they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you?
all this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelt it on you, you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin?
and what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until you could not stand it?
how are you both of these women, both flighty and needful?
where did you learn this, to want what does not want you?
where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?”
“1. I’m lonely so I do lonely things
2. Loving you was like going to war; I never came back the same.
3. You hate women, just like your father and his father, so it runs in your blood.
4. I was wandering the derelict car park of your heart looking for a ride home.
5. You’re a ghost town I’m too patriotic to leave.
6. I stay because you’re the beginning of the dream I want to remember.
7. I didn’t call him back because he likes his girls voiceless.
8. It’s not that he wants to be a liar; it’s just that he doesn’t know the truth.
9. I couldn’t love you, you were a small war.
10. We covered the smell of loss with jokes.
11. I didn’t want to fail at love like our parents.
12. You made the nomad in me build a house and stay.
13. I’m not a dog.
14. We were trying to prove our blood wrong.
15. I was still lonely so I did even lonelier things.
16. Yes, I’m insecure, but so was my mother and her mother.
17. No, he loves me he just makes me cry a lot.
18. He knows all of my secrets and still wants to kiss me.
19. You were too cruel to love for a long time.
20. It just didn’t work out.
21. My dad walked out one afternoon and never came back.
22. I can’t sleep because I can still taste him in my mouth.
23. I cut him out at the root, he was my favorite tree, rotting, threatening the foundations of my home.
24. The women in my family die waiting.
25. Because I didn’t want to die waiting for you.
26. I had to leave, I felt lonely when he held me.
27. You’re the song I rewind until I know all the words and I feel sick.
28. He sent me a text that said “I love you so bad.”
29. His heart wasn’t as beautiful as his smile
30. We emotionally manipulated one another until we thought it was love.
31. Forgive me, I was lonely so I chose you.
32. I’m a lover without a lover.
33. I’m lovely and lonely.
34. I belong deeply to myself .”
In addition to her phenomenal writing, I want to take another minute to appreciate her beauty too.
This week felt like it took forever to end! So glad it’s over!
I am excited about
Nairobi Restaurant Week!! I cannot visit as many restaurants as I would have liked because I caught at bad stomach bug so I have to be careful about what I eat. I am going to my first restaurant tonight and I am so amped!
Today I Am Feeling
hot and bothered!
Today’s Funky Friday Theme Song Is
These 2 really need to make their minds up, are they together or not? You can see how grateful Karreuche looks for finally being featured in a video. Anywhoo I love this song!
I am craving
Mac and Cheese!
it was not so hot in Nairobi, like it is crazy insane!