Blog therapy

This blog has been up since 2009, and if you have been an avid follower you may have noticed that there are rises and slumps when it comes to my blogging.

I tend to blog when I am inspired, when I have time, when I am going through something or when I just feel like I need to be heard for whatever reason. This space is more about me than entertaining you who is reading this.

I like jotting down my thoughts especially when I feel like I need to empty my head. Right now my mind still isn’t the best place to be. I am struggling to control my thoughts, what goes in there and the direction they lead me to.

Bed time and mornings are the absolute worst times, plus Sunday afternoons. Today morning for some reason was particularly difficult, I thought I was gonna cry at one point but the tears wouldn’t come out..

I would really love to run away from my thoughts, from that sinking feeling from the pit of my stomach and the depths of my soul. All these feelings seem to be going away slowly, I just wish it would go away faster because I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I came across a blog I had long forgotten called Marc and Angel Hack Life that I used to like reading once upon a time.  It has some brilliant tips for productive living that I have decided to go through.

Today i discovered this article: 12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength and I just need to highlight a few things that resonated with me, and hopefully for future reference:

  • At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain.
  • Pain is for the living – for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime.  Only the dead don’t feel it, because their time is already up.
  • The frequent attempt to conceal emotional pain increases the burden. This is me admitting I am in emotional pain by the way :p
  • You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.
  • Emotionally detach yourself from your problems. I dunno how this works for someone with all of the feels.
  • Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. I have really struggled to find out what this experience is meant to teach me..
  • A big part of your life is a result of the choices you make.  If you don’t like some part of your life, then it is time to start making changes and better choices.
  • “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
  • There is always a reason to celebrate.
  • “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”  No matter what sort of difficulties, or how painful an experience is, if you lose your hope, that’s your real tragedy. I am struggling with this..
  • Remind yourself that you are not alone.
  • The truth is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.
  • Remember, strength doesn’t come from comfort; it comes from stretching your comfort zone and overcoming all the things you once thought you couldn’t handle.
  • In the end, the strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it.

 

I am not single, I am romantically challenged

This past June, I clocked 2 years as a single person. This isn’t something I am particularly celebrating, it is more of a way of life rather than something to pay tribute to. It is only a big deal when I am asked questions like ‘When was your last relationship?’ , ‘What is the longest relationship you have ever been in?’ etc.

I do not know why people keep bringing up these questions. Fine, they may be relevant, but not to me seeing that the answer I may give may or may not be what you want to here. There is never a guarantee that the response you get is the God honest truth.

I think I am becoming very set in my ways, and I am approaching that age where I cannot learn new things because old habits die hard. I am used to doing things my own way, without consulting anybody, and without having to keep tabs with anyone. I have been raised this way, and I think this will prove to be an issue in future. I have issues with anyone who questions my actions or activities, if my parents have no qualms about it, you are questioning me as who?

Nowadays I blog knowing at the back of my head that someday soon someone who I am with or could be with is reading as I ‘sell myself out’ on here. Well, do not say you did not get a heads up when it comes to matters concerning me..

I had a very interesting conversation with my friend some weeks ago, about how Kenyan men and women in relationships relate to each other. Women are competing with men rather than submitting to them, which is totally and absolutely true.

There are things which some women do, which is not the traditional way that women are supposed to act. For example, going out and partying. I have always said that I do not want to be that chic who is left at home while the husband is our partying. In my mind, such a situation wouldn’t have been ideal seeing that he was out having fun while I was at home dying of boredom.

Well, my friend changed my mind set about this. A woman’s place is in the home, and her mission should be to create and sustain a good homestead which her husband will always look forward to returning to at the end of the day. In fact, they should make it so good that he has no desire to ever leave in the first place. This made a whole lot of sense, now who to practise this with??

I seem to have a douche bag radar or something, seeing that I attract quite a few of them. My consolation is, how will I weed out the idiots without having to ummhh frolick in the garden? There has to be some flowers and not just weeds out there. Such experiences help me discover what I do not want when it comes to choosing a partner, they set the standards that I will never go below. My only qualm is, I need to stop giving some of these people chances, maybe there is no good in everyone.

LIFE

I also learnt my reputation precedes itself, lately I keep hearing people talking about how they were discussing me, and I was glad to discover that the things they said were good things.

Being single kind of makes you less stringent when it comes to the standards you set, but one thing I have learnt, is that there are somethings I will not compromise on, and evidently most men know this.

single

For the most part, I like my life the way it is, until it gets cold and a human blanket seems like a phenomenal idea. Or when a sexy song comes on, and I am surrounded by women 0_O Or when I stumble across a beautiful bouquet of flowers and yearn for someone to present them to me.

Anyhoosmu, I am not in a hurry to get into anything serious, like I always say, things happen for a reason. For now all I can do is seat back and enjoy the ride..

g

 

 

*insert title here*

I have really thought of a cool title for this blog post, but ‘The one without a title’ sounds like I had already previously used it. It has been an interesting couple of weeks for me, so much food for thought that I thought I should share or ask about even.

First up, have you met the person you think you should spend the rest of your life with? If you have, are you committed to them and taking steps to fulfill your heart’s desire? If not, why are you not committing to them?

If you still have not met that person soulmate or whatever you call it do not worry about it, we are in the same boat. I do not even think I would be able to know what that feels like, to accept someone wholly and want to be with them forever. But for those who have, I cannot help but wonder what you are waiting for. Be with that person, work towards that goal, be together. Shouldn’t it be that simple?

I write this as I think about how I am contradicting my own thoughts on how people are getting married too fast. In their defence, maybe I do not know if indeed they deem themselves to be soulmates or whatever. Yes, I do not believe in soulmates, can you tell?

I have really missed standing on tippy toes, looking dreamily into the eyes of someone dare I say special? For some reason, I keep attracting short men to my dismay. Where are all the tall brothers yo?! Sadly I need the attention so I am not in a position to use height as a deal breaker.

I am however inclined to use bad grammar as a deal breaker. How can we be together if chatting with you is an eye sore? I am not the S.I. Unit of smart, but when you write something using the same number of letters, but with the wrong spelling, on purpose, what am I supposed to think? That you are not smart? Which is the notion that I am swaying towards.

Never underestimate the seductive power of correct grammar.

I thought I had lowered my standards being single does that to you, but turns out they are still as high as ever. I blame all the smart men that I interact with. For some reason I know so many of them, and I enjoy chatting with them because I learn a lot, and get to engage in battles of wit with them. They have ruined men for me it seems. You cannot engage in witty banter with someone who cannot spell 😦 There are men who have a lot worse going for them, I have no idea why this seems to be sort of a big deal to me. I do not remember being unattracted to people with low grades when I was in school, so why should I be bothered with bad spelling on whatsapp?

Also, I was very surprised to discover that a guy who I found it very easy, and fun to talk to, had zero personality when it came to chatting on whatsapp. Oh my God, it’s like Whatsapp has become my new dating platform. I have the perfect explanation for that though, I am very poor at telephone conversations. Okay, not poor but I really dread them, I get the whole butterflies in my tummy thing which I cannot stand. Also, I really hate the fact that my mouth has no filter so speaking without getting a chance to review my thoughts is not my cuppa tea. Too bad I may never get to see him again, the way he was so gorgeous sigh… oh well *kanye shrug*

Why is it that the douche’s are the ones that are exciting, and the sweet nice guys so bland and boring?  Why are the compliments less endearing than the witty, sarcastic banter? I really need to figure this out because I am stumped. Sadly, I conform to the stereotype that girls love bad boys. But in my defence, there is nothing like a nice guy, just bad boys who have never been found out. This is a tried and tested theorem.

I think I am the bridge to the one that you love. This has happened like 4 times! It’s like I am the good luck charm, but for other people.

Anyhoosmu, moral of the story courtesy of Kush and Wisdom:

kush

Tuesday Muesday

I knew what I was gonna write about when I clicked on ‘Add new post’ but I saw this immediately after and needed to share it with you.

made

 

Celebrate the unique way God made you 🙂 I am imperfectly perfect, in so many ways you have no idea. And the funny thing is, what makes me different from most of you, is not what bothers me, even if ideally it should. I am fearfully and wonderfully made 🙂

Back to the main order of business. You know that moment when you suspect or discover that your relationship with someone has changed or is changing? Then you ask someone else about this change of behaviour and they confirm your suspicions which just makes things weirder because ish just got real. Yeah, that is where I am at right now, but I will not jump the gun and over think this, it could simply be someone who realised how awesome I am and decided to bask in my awesomeness 🙂

Have you ever read a blog post and wondered whether the blogger was referring to you? This must be how those Twitter bigwigs feel XD. Anyway so I stumbled upon that today, a post, which did not have my name written on it, but the situation being referred to has to be referring to me. I cannot ask about it, because I do not want to have to share about this place here, and maybe I do not want to know what exactly he was on about, he is giving me a run for my money when it comes to being cryptic though -_- It is pretty evident he wants the whole world to read it, I am totally perplexed +_+

I cannot even judge because I get how strong the urge is to write about what you feel, what is in your head. I have been dying to do it too, and maybe I will soon, once I get my thoughts straight.

How does it feel being written about? I had it coming because I had a feeling it would happen *pats self on back* this could be viewed as a compliment XD

Soccer, the true apple of most men’s eyes

fergie

Yesterday will go down in history as the day men were extremely emotional, all over the world. They weeped, and moaned about their broken hearts all over the internet about how sad they were that their precious Sir Alex Ferguson was leaving Manchester United. Big friggin woop!

Personally, I am not a soccer fan, let alone a Manchester United fan, so I honestly do not give a damn. I was however amused by how emotional men were, this being the gender who consider themselves good at controlling and hiding their emotions.

When it comes to women, you never see them profess their love, or express how sad they are about having lost a woman, or having their hearts broken. Why is it that men can express so much about soccer, but seem emotionless when it comes to matters of the heart?

Does this mean they invest more emotions on football than in their relationships? Am I wrong in assuming that men value soccer more than their relationships?

If you saw your ex all weepy about Fergie retiring yesterday, and witnessing him express his heartbreak all over your timeline, yet he did not even give an indication that he was sad when you guys broke up, then I feel very sad for you.

I cannot understand how men go through breakups as if they feel nothing, but act like it is the end of the world because the coach of their favourite football team retired, or because their favourite player was leaving for another team. It makes no sense to get so emotionally attached to  people who have no clue that you exist and have no emotional connection to you.

Men already view love as a game, maybe they should think of chasing a woman like chasing the ball, scoring will be scoring literally, finding another woman could be viewed as leaving for another football team. Dating could be winning the premier league, getting married as winning the champions league, I think you get my drift now.

I have been lucky enough never to have gotten involved with a man who is a soccer fanatic, but sometimes I wonder whether I would be able to hack being with such a man. I am a selfish person, I need to be a man’s top priority, I cannot be jealous about a friggin sport!

 

He’s just not that into you ~ The Remix!!

hes When I first read the book ‘He’s just not that into you‘ I thought it was dis-empowering because the book basically everything that a man does not do, means he is not into you. It did not have room for errors or forgetfulness, or being busy, simply because if the guy was feeling you, he would go out of his way to let you know how he feels, he would constantly keep in touch, and other stuff that I do not remember. Now that I am older, and somewhat wiser, I sort of agree with the book. So much so that I think they need to release a revised version which features current trends that have taken the world by storm. Here are some of things that I would suggest.

He is just not that into you if

  • He asks you for your number, but never calls or texts. Whatsapp does not count as making an effort, it is practically free!
  • You do not feature in his profile pictures for Facebook, Whatsapp and Instagram, his avator on Twitter and his display picture on BBM.
  • He does not have pictures with or of you on any social network.
  • He does not comment or like your statuses or pictures, or retweet your tweets.
  • His Instagram and Twitter profiles are marked as private, (is he ashamed of you? or what is he hiding?)
  • His Whatsapp time stamps do not coincide with time spent communicating with you. For example, he bid you goodnight at 10pm, but  in the morning when you look at your conversation, he was last seen at 3:00 am. Who the hell was he talking to at 3 am? He was too sleepy to chat at 10pm but he is lucid enough to conversate at such ungodly hours?
  • He never tags you on his Facebook statuses.
  • If his inbox is always empty. The fact that it is wiped clean means he has something to hide.
  • He never initiates conversation, be it on the phone or on any social networks, and worse still, in person.
  • He does not offer to pay for dinner or buy you drinks, drop you home or pay for your cab. Key word here being offer.
  • He does not call you after your first date. There most probably will not be another date.
  • You have been dating for more than 3 years and he does not propose. 3 years is my acceptable threshold, but my minimum is a year and maximum 5 years. If he has been dating you longer than 5 years and there is still no hope of him making an honest woman out of you, get out while you still can, because he is wasting your precious time.
  • He claims he never wants to get married. That just means you haven’t made a big enough impact in his life to change his mind.
  • He has not introduced you to his family.
  • He only meets you at night and never for daylight plans like breakfast, brunch, lunch etc. He is either ashamed of you or has something to hide.
  • He has a child and you have never met them. This of course depends on how long you have known the guy. Dating people with children is usually tricky, seeing that they need to know if the relationship is going somewhere for him to bring the child into the mix. So if you have been dating him for long, and he still has not introduced you to his child/children, something’s gotta give.
  • You always bump into him randomly like at clubs or social gatherings, where he proceeds to claim ownership over you all night, maybe even goes home with you, but he never actually invites you for plans. He only shows pro activity when you are in the same vicinity as him, but never makes an effort to create that opportunity.
  • You get physical with him in anyway, and he pulls a disappearing act. He avoids you thereafter by not calling or texting, or not responding to your calls or tests, or not making an effort to see you again etc.
  • He has another girlfriend or worse still a wife. You may be convinced that what you have is special, or that he will leave her for you, but if it does not seem to be happening, chances are it never will.
  • You are stuck in a flirtationship. You do everything couples do and have pet names for each other etc, but he still hasn’t officially committed to you.
  • He does not introduce you to people as his significant other.
  • He only wants to get physical, but does not want to do stuff like spending time together, talking, getting to know each other. Do not mistake lust for love.
  • He flirts with other women in your presence, or on social media. If he does not even bother to be discrete about it, he does not respect you, which goes to show, he really is not that into you.
  • He does not make time for you. What could be more important?

I really think they also need to include the women’s version in this new version too. Here is my take on this, just to clue some of you men in on some shemale behaviours.

She’s not that into you if

  • She refuses to give you her number, and asks for yours instead. She will not call, she was just trying not to hurt your feelings too badly.
  • She gives you her number, but asks you not to dial it in her presence, because her phone is ‘dead’ or ‘in the car’, because she is lying and has given you a fake number.
  • You offer to buy her a drink, and she declines.
  • You approach a girl on the dance floor, and she immediately declares she is tired of dancing, or this aint her song, yeah you get the drift.
  • She fails to put up pictures of you on her social media profiles. Girls do this a lot, so if you do not feature on her avi or any of her profile pictures then she is not that into you, or she is ashamed of you.
  • She does not comment, or like any of your status and pictures, tag you in her statuses, tweet you frequently or retweet your tweets.
  • She does not pick up your calls, or respond to your chats.
  • You are always the one who initiates the conversation or otherwise, you will not speak.
  • She always has an excuse as to why you cannot meet up for dinner or get together. She is not interested in spending time with you.
  • She usually looks outstanding, but when she has plans to meet you, she does not seem to have made much of an effort to look as good. Women like to look good for their men, if she is not making the effort when it comes to you, then who is she making the effort for?
  • She never uses any terms of endearment or pet names with you. Conversations are usually like “Hi ‘insert name’ ” or “Hi.”  Or if you tell her you miss her and she brushes it off by changing the subject or ignoring the statement. Women are lovey dovey by design so there is something up.
  • You are standing in a group of men, and she does not pay you the most attention.
  • She sees you doing something wrong like flirting with other women, and she does not bite your head off. If she is not bothered by this, then maybe you are not that important.
  • She is the typical damsel distress, who only calls when she needs a ride somewhere, someone to throw for her drinks or to take her friends out. She only contacts you when she needs something from you.

Is it weird that this is all that I could come up with? lol Anyway if you have more tell tale signs, from a male or female point of view, kindly share in the comments section, you could be helping us eradicate heartbreaks in the world by empowering people 🙂

Of The Martians

That title stems from

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

It is actually a category I have had on here ever since I started this blog and I wanna talk about the unfairer sex :p I love engaging men about how they relate with women, it is great to get their input for I still am extremely clueless, even after all these years smh. It is interesting picking their brains, plus they are very interesting as well.
I have noticed men seem to be drawn to crazy women, and for the life of me I cannot figure out what is so appealing about them. I’m pretty sure it has to do with their talent in the bedroom, but yo! Dudes need to think about how these women will still be loco in the outside world too. They tend to be especially dramatic and violent, and with several mentions of knives from some guys I know, maybe that is the appeal? *Kanye shrug*.

Someone explained it to me yesterday, that being with someone deemed as crazy let’s you experience all the things you would have wanted to, but was too afraid to ask for. That explanation seemed kinda legit, knowing that you have met someone who is just as crazy as you, but is not ashamed to admit it. But where does that leave us stable minded normal people? Oh ya, single and friendzoned ha!

My guy friends sometimes make me believe that there is probably some hope for the men out here. They really fight with all their might to be faithful to their significant others, some even if they have been friendzoned (which I totally don’t get but still respect).

I sort of decided to consider whether the next guy I should be with should be one of my friends. I know some very cool and hot guys, and this new ‘decision’ has totally confused me, but anyway we will see if some transitions are possible. Turning friendships into relationships is tricky in my opinion. The familiarity has its pros and cons. The biggest con is that I think friends would not really make an effort in the relationship since you had already established a routine as friends. (Think of that white chic in single ladies ssn2 when she started dating her friend and how things were weird at first). I have a couple of relafriendships with some guys, you know that ‘more than friends, less than lovers’ typa thing going on. It is interesting, yet confusing all the same.

Fellas, what do you guys feel about women who step up to you? nyemelearing My guy friends were telling me about how they prefer doing the chasing, and not being pursued. Personally, I do not like doing the chasing, I have too much pride for that. Yet sometimes this may be challenging seeing that so many men today just sit (seat?)  there staring at you without even attempting to make a move. Why are there so many non starters? and yet all the douchy men are the ones who are daring enough to actually make the first contact?

These friends of mine also claimed that most men can tell when a woman is ‘the one’. I wish I asked them why they believe in the one, my sentiments have never changed about that issue, there is nothing like the one, maybe the one right now 🙂 Anyhoosmu they were telling me the emotions elicited by ‘the one’  was how they knew those girls were the one. Like if they felt extra shy or fidgety etc. I must look out for such signs in future :p

I have come to realise that guys  in their mid twenties are currently in the process of building themselves and their careers. Some of them have chosen to focus on that and do not have time for silly things like relationships, but they have time to chipo though smh. I know a couple of guys who have decided on focusing on achieving their goals and opted out of anything that will distract them, like girls.

So some men want us to find them when they are at their financial peak, with great jobs, that awesome whip and the huge mansion in the suburbs. Yet when we try get at you at that level, some of you will say that we are gold digging?!

I wanted to come to the gym but you chose to focus on your exercise alone! Without a partner!

 

 

 

A woman is meant to help a man and support him in all his endeavours, she will be behind you every step of the way. Do not view us as distractions but as a support system. We understand your current situation, and some of us would actually like to play a part in building you. I think a man will enjoy reaping the fruits of his labour with the person who helped cultivate them, right?

I know men do not like to struggle, hence why they feel the need to work hard to provide us with what they think we need. But sometimes it is not about the money. You may think choosing to work hard now so that you are in the perfect financial situation to be in a relationship will pay off, but you may risk losing that woman whom you have pushed to the curve for future ‘use’.

Now, let us talk about honesty. Some men are not honest. (See how I DONT generalise by saying some men? :p) They will do and say anything to get the cookie, hence why I take everything ya’ll say with a pinch of salt.  Just be honest, you will be amazed at the results.

I am definitely looking forward to more conversations with men 🙂