WIP

One of my biggest fears when it comes to anything I post online is that i am foreseeing something that’s gonna happen in future. The fact that i subconsciously knew what would happen to me creeps me out.

I was going through my Twitter favorites this past weekend and came across this:

happy

I stumbled upon this in December, when i was pumped with endorphins and very happy, and even then I felt some type of way just reading it. I felt afraid that the moment wouldn’t last and it was not a feeling I was ready to lose at the time.

Well, ish got taken away and I am still happy when my head is not filled with negativity. I want to be able to control my own happiness and not base it on things or on people.

If happiness is a choice, can I choose to have it forever on my own terms? I dont want to not enjoy moments because it’s a sign it will be taken away. I dont want to be responsible for other people’s happiness, only for them to take it for granted. I am going to be selfish with my joy.

One thing I have always struggled with is seeking validation from other people. This wanting to be liked business is something I inherited from one of my parents and it’s something I have been fighting to take control of.

I know some people who really do not give a hoot about what other’s think of them and i greatly admire them for that.

I am trying to tell myself that i am a unique flavor that not everyone will like but part of me wonders why I am not as tasty to some people. Maybe it’s because I seem to think that I am the ish and it’s impossible for people not to know this 😉 I am slowly learning to get over myself and not to give a damn about people’s opinions. I am like 67% there lol

One thing I am coming to learn and dislike is the fact that we are all work in progress. God/the universe or whatever seems to find the need to take us through things so that we can grow or whatever *rolls eyes*.  Like we will never be good enough, things will get thrown our way to mold us into other things and not necessarily make us better human beings. What’s the point? Will this cycle ever end?

These are just some of the things that have been running through my head of late.

 

 

 

Random Monday Musings

    • It’s funny how people who do not really know you are able to read a lot from your demeanor even if they do not know what your current situation is.
    • I have no idea how to read people anymore, like Drake I think I now have trust issues #welp
    • My body has refused junk food. I had half a burger and 3/4 chips and I thought I was gonna explode!
    • My cravings drastically reduced, yay me!
    • Dont you hate it when you get foot in mouth disease? Im coming to learn that assumptions are the mother of all eff ups. But it was all for a good cause so to be honest I regret nothing.
    • There’s always that moment when you realize how good you have got it, cherish it.
    • There’s nothing as freeing as having zero expectations, pure bliss.
    • I miss my natural hair so bad! Also, I am planning on dying it and i am uber excited!
    • I cannot get enough of this song, i play it every single morning when i wake up
  • I came to realize I love what I do, and maybe not even money can convince me to change it.  Maybe…
  • I cannot believe Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel named their son Silas.
  • Thank you Lord for power plates 😉
  • I just need 1 day where i can go to a bar and order a line of shots. Soon.
  • It’s finally hometime! BYE!

Tumblr induced thoughts

“Don’t compromise your ideas so that everyone ‘gets it’, but don’t sacrifice your success because no one ‘gets it”

“Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.”

men

“Be so blunt that they could smoke your truth”

dreams

i need a smile like this

i need a smile like this

“every woman wants to be craved for and admired but not every man is real enough to dedicate such effort on request of one girl.”

lie

aqua

judgy

This week better rock.

Deuces.

A funeral and a wedding

silence ageordinary

 

The past 2 weeks have been hectic, and that is an understatement even, so I barely had time to blog, though these pics above were part of a post I had been attempting to write.

I think the best way to sum it up is a very big emotional roller coaster, so many happy and yet incredibly sad moments.  My week started off with a funeral on Monday and ended with a wedding on Saturday.

Here are just a few things that stood out for me:

  • I am truly blessed beyond measure, this is something I need to be more appreciative of.
  • Even my worst day cannot compare to some situations that other people are in, although it’s not good to compare, this fact just has to be acknowledged.
  • Always have a plan B.
  • Not everything is personal.
  • Not everybody gives a damn.
  • People in this world can be so selfish.
  • Always look out for number 1, simply because when you are busy looking out for others, nobody has your back.
  • I cannot always be the bigger person, so if some ish is bothering me, I will give it time and hope I get over it.
  • Massage chairs are everything!!!
  • My friend really embodies the term ‘Blushing Bride’.
  • I’ve been having some qualms about some friendships, which has made me realise I really need to be a better friend to the people who do matter.
  • Nothing sucks as much as watching a coffin being lowered into the ground.
  • Write a will, you never know when you will kick the bucket.
  • No matter how hot you look, once you are knee deep in the sibling zone, you can never find your way out :p
  • Pretty hurts.
  • I thought I was a crier, till I saw my friends weep at the wedding.
  • I am blessed with amazing parents.
  • Photos for government documents have no filter and they dont let you smile! I am destined to look horrid in all my legal documents.
  • That awkward moment when you see your instagram follower that you have never met in real life, then ignore..
  • I need to stop oversharing.

 

It’s funny sometimes how life works…

It’s been an interesting couple of days. It all began last week, where I ran into people from my past, all in the same week. Those meetings definitely made for good stories, and laid some issues to rest.

My mind summoning powers were on overload as well. I thought of people and saw them in like less than half an hour later. This happened for 3 people last week. It is creepy and exhilarating at the same time.

pals

 

Chloe speaks a lot of truth. If there is something I have learnt this year, it is where I stand when it comes to being an option and a priority. This realisation did not come easy, it even hurt as well. But that is life, you live and you learn, and bridges are burnt. This knowledge has made me evaluate how I relate to people, because let us face it, I am far from perfect. But knowing how bad it feels knowing you are not a priority makes me wonder who I have made feel that way as well, and correct that.

Once bitten, twice shy they say. It’s hard sometimes trying not to make the same mistake twice. I hope I am wise enough to make the best choice. Being grown up is hard.

I have a very difficult time being honest, as a result I end up being passive aggressive and eventually I explode. I dont know why saying the truth about what I feel is so hard. Okay, I know, I never think people are strong enough to hear the truth. It is something I am working on however.

I am also thinking of doing some writing for NaNoWriMo this month, I am feeling very inspired for some reason. Who else is doing this? Feel free to join in 🙂

 

Monday Morning

It is such a gloomy, dreary Monday morning, which is strange seeing that the weather was so delightful yesterday. I am seated at my desk, with my eyes all red because I only slept for 5 and a half hours, which is usually the norm. So I always look sleepy, accompanied by mad eye bags smh, not a good look.

This seems like a good soundtrack for the day, Lana Del Ray is quite something

So I sorta forgot to celebrate my blogversary this year :-/ it totally slipped my mind, but August 5th 2013 marked my 4th year as a religious blogger. It’s been fun sharing my thoughts with the world through this medium, though 4 years down the line I still prefer if people stumbled upon this place by themselves, and not by me publicising it. Thank you for joining me in this journey 🙂 Here’s to many more years of oversharing!

light

So today I discovered a guy I know buried his wife on what was meant to be their wedding day, how incredibly sad is that? How is he meant to turn on any light when surrounded by such darkness? I do pray that he heals, and whatever God’s plan for him materialises, because things like this make me wonder what we are meant learn.

Such stories also make me realise that what we may consider as problems are nothing in comparison to what other people are going through. So if you are struggling with stuff, just keep it moving because it could be worse.

My Twitter mojo has died, I simply have no interest in tweeting about all my thoughts, and the timeline just seems loud and busy. Anyway, maybe it will come back soon.

How cool is it that Lupita Nyong’o has finally made it hollywood?!!! She’s gorgeous and extremely talented, the sky is the limit for her. Stumbled upon this article here about her on sandra rose being spotted like the star that she is.

It’s 8 am and I am already struggling to stay awake, it is definitely going to be a long day.  I am hopeful that it will be a good week, I have cast my worries aside, so it feels like a good clean slate.

Have a spectacular week 🙂

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