A Letter from Future Me

So after all the hating i did here i finally received my letter from the past today. As I read it i couldnt help but wonder why i was so in love with the idea of love given what i had been through the year prior. I guess it must have been me trying to be optimistic.

I am also marveling at how some of the things i had willed for myself came into fruition. This just goes to show that the whole notion of ‘what you think about, you bring about’ isn’t a bunch of crap as I had originally thought.

Dear FutureMe,
Knowing you, you are probably freaking out that it’s twenty days to your birthday and you are just about to turn the big 3-0. Thinking about it now still scares me a bit, but I would like to think that you are currently in a good place and having nothing to worry about as you transition into this new decade.
I hope that you are currently with someone special, openly and deeply in love. The kind of love you didn’t have to think about to confirm whether you felt it, the kind that didn’t need heart break to discover it’s what you feel. I hope you finally got the love that you deserve, the kind that melts your heart and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I hope this person that loves you, loves every piece of you with every fiber of his being. He considers all your imperfections perfect, and helps you grow every single day. I hope he truly makes you happy and is a perfect fit into your life. I do not know if you will be ready, but I hope this love will be the stuff marriages will be made of. Thinking about him popping the question will seem like a dream come true and not a scary nightmare.
I hope he won’t start flaking on you now that it’s your birthday, and that he has a brilliant plan in store for you, accompanied by lots of birthday sex 😉
In terms of your career, I hope you love your new job and that it is immensely satisfying. I know you will have grown immensely in your field and that you are earning a healthy salary that helps you live comfortably. No more brokenness and living beyond your means madam! I hope going to work isn’t a task but something that you look forward to everyday, and that your work environment is pleasant and your new colleagues are easy to work with and nice.
Have you gone back to the gym? How does it feel having lost 10 more Kgs? Do people look at you different? Have you changed your wardrobe? Are you going to lose some more? I hope you stayed on our fitness tip madam!
As you turn 30, I hope you have grown even more, I really hope you didn’t have to go through even more pain just to become a better person. I hope you made peace with God, I know we have been struggling with that.
I hope you still value your self-worth, and that you love yourself even more. Self love is the best love.
I hope your hair grew, that all our hardwork and nurturing bore fruit.
I know we didn’t have goals for the big thirty, but I really hope you are in a happy place with no regrets and filled with hope for the future.
Lots of Love,
28 year old me.

So a brief update of my current status based on this letter:

  • I am not actually freaked out about turning 30, I am worried though that I have no idea how I will usher it in with enough razzmatazz as I would like.
  • I am NOT deeply in love 🙂 Maybe lust, but that is a story for another day. I do not expect any brilliant birthday plan from any man sadly.
  • I got a new job and i love it.
  • No more brokeness and living beyond my means (Praise God).
  • I went back to the gym this week, like 16kgs heavier smh. I cannot change my wardrobe till I lose majority of that weight.
  • I did go through pain, but the kind that didnt break me but still made me stronger.
  • I’m at peace. My relationship with God is still messed up.
  • I love myself a whole lot more.
  • My hair grew but im still having issues with it -_-

And finally, it seems I was spot on because i am in a happy place and very hopeful for the future 🙂

2017 will definitely be filled with lots of positive affirmations from me.

 

MMXVII

Hello 2017!!!

First up, I’m extremely disappointed that the email I wrote to future me did not get delivered because I refuse to monetarily support their cause 😒.

So I decided since I am currently on the road, with lots of time, this is a perfect opportunity to put down my thoughts on this here blog of mine.

2016 started off on a crazy tangent and it has been a fun and exhilarating ride. I partied a whole lot this year, I have had so many epic nights coupled with memory loss that I cannot count. Iv met so many cool people during these escapades which made them even more memorable.

Work wise, 2016 was a very fruitful year filled with lots of learning curves and topped up with a whole lot of stress. I took on a new role where I ended up learning so much while at the same time building a legacy for myself.

I got a new job which I started in December and it was extremely hard leaving the place I called home for over 8 years (yes I am that old).

When it comes to matters of the Martians, 2016 was just extremely liberating.

“Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:24

Apart from John 3:16 this may be the only other bible verse that I know.

After the great heartbreak of 2015 I think my heart is safely locked far far away. I am still trying to figure out if I am so far gone and have become an emotionless woman.

But it feels nice not wanting to make homes out of people, not building fairytales out of mole hills. I have had my fun without having to settle on anyone, and not getting bothered about not being settled on.

With regard to my health, I am now the fattest I have ever been. It’s hard staying healthy and regularly working out when you are busy, or there’s no help in the house. It’s also hard because I was not really motivated (aka I was happy).

As for my friendships, I built new ones, strengthened old ones, lost touch with some while others where tried and tested.

I won’t lie, I’m kind of considering not cosnciously making new friends because I have so many and it is becoming so difficult maintaining those friendships. It’s now become the case of quality over quantity, I’d rather be a good friend to few rather than a friend to many.

As for my relationship with God, I’m still waiting for salvation and not necessarily seeking it. However, it has been refreshing taking responsibility for my own actions and situations, without blaming God for everything that happens.

2016 was all in all a good year, and despite my fears I have great hopes for 2017. Here are a few things I hope to achieve this year:

-Have a memorable 30th birthday at the end of this month. I want a birthday bae and to travel somewhere on that day/week.

-I must graduate with my Masters this year. I plan on putting in all my effort towards completing my thesis by March. I’m crossing my fingers that graduation will be somewhere cool like London.

-I want to be diligent and ensure I am excellent at my job. I must win an industry accolade in my current role and if possible I’m aiming for Top 40 under 40.

-In 2017 I want to travel outside of Kenya more. Top 3 destinations are Dubai, South Africa and New York.

-I may have to concede to the pressure and move out of my parents house. I was waiting to be removed from there by my future husband but I think maybe living alone might be good for me.

-I have never been that chic who yearns for new cars but I am seriously considering getting some new wheels.

-I am working towards being debt free by the end of 2017. I also hope to improve how I manage my finances, this living beyond my means business has become a bit too played out.

-I want to loose 20 kgs by December 2017 and somehow make this a permanent lifestyle.

-I must get braces.

-I will know the man I will marry by December. By know I mean I will be with someone who I can picture spending the rest of my life with, and he will feel the same way about me.

-I want to be present this year for my family and friends and the milestones they will be going through.

-I plan on setting up a side hustle, I cannot continue being comfortable with a single source of income.

Finally, I want to let go of the fear of wanting good things in my life. I strongly believe these are all achievable goals that I am definitely worthy of. I am embracing nothing but good positive vibes in this brand spanking new year!

How was 2016 for you? What are you looking forward to or hoping for in 2017?