When what you have been dreading, happens..

I went for the bbq that I was looking forward to on Friday, and it rocked. The house was more beautiful than I imagined.

Though I did feel sort of socially awkward, socialising was a task though the men there made it easier. I doubt I spoke to any chic that I did not know.

It also felt weird, being there by myself, the lone ranger, when so many people had coupled up. I am still adjusting to not being part of a pair anymore, and third wheeling is just the pits, totally sucks!

I indulged in sangria and some sweet white wine, and by the time I got home, I was sorta tipsy, and my head was spinning.

Little did I know that at that time my grandfather was lying in his hospital bed dying -_-

My mother woke me up on Sunday morning, and I just knew that he had left us.

I never expected him to die so soon, I thought that he would at least have a few weeks to go. But he was really suffering, and I am sure he was happy to relinquish everything and head towards the light.

I think after we bury him I can finally be in peace, with nothing bad to look forward to, and actually have the heart to hope for something good to happen.

I feel like my luck will change, and that awesome things are in store for me.

For now I just pray for courage and strength for my family as we lay to rest one of the pillars of our family, and pray that his memory and spirit will keep us together.



What a waste of time :'(

During my teen years, i was terribly, terribly shy. I was also shy around my family, which made no sense at all. I used to carry novels to parties so that i would not have to talk to anyone.
My cousin passed away ten years ago, and to this day i still regret the fact that i never got to interact with him much when he was in the country (he lived abroad) for the last time.
He was twelve years older than me, that already made it difficult to interact with him. I wish i had been more social, then maybe the last time i saw him we would have had a significant conversation, that i’d have memories of him and stuff that we did together that i could share. That really is my biggest regret, and if i could change back time i would change things in a heartbeat. Being shy was a total waste of time!
There were of course other factors that were a hindrance, but anyway that goes to show, that we really should not take people for granted. I do not want to regret not appreciating anyone when they were alive. I wanna make the most of the time i have with people now…