Taking stock

This post is best read with this song played on the background.

Today is my last day as a 31 year old, and i cant believe i wasted the opportunity last year to use the hashtag #31on31st on my birthday smh!

I also cant help but reflect on this past year, the highs and lows and how they have shaped who i am in this very moment.

Let me start with the highs. I travelled a lot in 2018, mostly for work in various parts of Kenya and I definitely appreciated the beauty and authenticity of this lovely country of ours.

I also got to travel to London and Cape Town, and I had such a lovely time at both destinations, i honestly cannot wait to go back!

Career-wise, this has been the most challenging yet gratifying year yet. I faced so many challenges, criticism, office politics, crisis, and at the same time i got to learn and cultivate a new speciality which i am really excelling at. I also got to produce a whole TV sho guys!!

To be honest right now i am wondering whether I would have diversified and taken up new challenges if I had not gone through the difficulties that I went through. I was mostly driven by the need to prove myself, and the excitement that comes with trying something new.

I am not happy about this revelation because my problem with the world is, why do we have to go through so many hardships just to become wiser and stronger? I see why it’s necessary but couldnt we just have been born with all this knowledge?

This was also the year where my relationships with various people were put into question. My back is still sore from all the backstabbing. I am slowly recovering and rebuilding trust with the people who broke it.

I learnt that the people who should know me very well, honestly do not. I am not sure if it is because i have not fully shown them who i am, or if it’s them who have not bothered to get to know me well enough. Anyway I have mended the relationships that matter and let go of the ones that do not.

I have also been cut off by people that I really cared about and to be honest it still stings. My ego cannot accept the fact that there are people who decided that there was no need for me in their lives. I keep telling myself it’s their loss, but to be honest it’s mine. I still mourn the loss of not having them in my life.

As a result of all these things, my self worth has taken such a huge beating. This is something i am consciously trying to work on. I love myself, in fact i think i am the shit which is why all of this has been so hard to swallow.

Anyway, 32 will be all about building me. This will be my year of YES. Here’s to believing in myself, seeking new opportunities, overcoming fear, finding my voice, travelling a whole lot more, living healthier, building stronger relationships and continuously eating life with a big spoon!