Nothing inspires you to write more than reading something beautifully written. I have been indulging in some extremely beautiful writing, the kind that makes you wonder why you were not gifted with the ability to express things in such a magnificent way.
By learning to explore other peoples writing, I have learnt something about myself. When I feel things, it is so intense, I can taste my heart and my insides feel like they are on fire and that I will sporadically combust at any moment. These feelings get so overwhelming I literally feel sick to my stomach, like the butterflies are punishing me for not letting them get out. I experience this whenever I feel guilt, fear, sadness, and anxiety. When I am mad, my blood practically cuddles but I usually just let the steam get out of my ears because the worst decisions are made when one is mad. When I am sad, I literally feel my heart bleed, and sometimes the weight feels so heavy until I cannot breath. I cry so easily it’s like my tear ducts are over enthusiastic to respond to my emotions. I do not know what immense joy feels like, okay, let me rephrase and say I do not remember. But I do know that sometimes I get flushed and my ears start to burn when I see beautiful things, or when I am complimented.. Sometimes I laugh so hard that my mouth hurts and I feel the laughter ripple through my body, as tears fall down my face and I develop what feels like a cough. I realised today that I feel hard, and these emotions sometimes feel like they have taken over my entire being. I usually need to find things to distract me from my mind because my thoughts sometimes feel like they can kill me. I have not found a way to control these emotions, I doubt I ever will.
There’s something that has been bothering me and it feels like it’s eating me alive. This is not fun any more, especially when my over active imagination feeds into my mind. Something’s gotta give..
*goes back to doing some more reading*