When I first read the book ‘He’s just not that into you‘ I thought it was dis-empowering because the book basically everything that a man does not do, means he is not into you. It did not have room for errors or forgetfulness, or being busy, simply because if the guy was feeling you, he would go out of his way to let you know how he feels, he would constantly keep in touch, and other stuff that I do not remember. Now that I am older, and somewhat wiser, I sort of agree with the book. So much so that I think they need to release a revised version which features current trends that have taken the world by storm. Here are some of things that I would suggest.
He is just not that into you if
- He asks you for your number, but never calls or texts. Whatsapp does not count as making an effort, it is practically free!
- You do not feature in his profile pictures for Facebook, Whatsapp and Instagram, his avator on Twitter and his display picture on BBM.
- He does not have pictures with or of you on any social network.
- He does not comment or like your statuses or pictures, or retweet your tweets.
- His Instagram and Twitter profiles are marked as private, (is he ashamed of you? or what is he hiding?)
- His Whatsapp time stamps do not coincide with time spent communicating with you. For example, he bid you goodnight at 10pm, but in the morning when you look at your conversation, he was last seen at 3:00 am. Who the hell was he talking to at 3 am? He was too sleepy to chat at 10pm but he is lucid enough to conversate at such ungodly hours?
- He never tags you on his Facebook statuses.
- If his inbox is always empty. The fact that it is wiped clean means he has something to hide.
- He never initiates conversation, be it on the phone or on any social networks, and worse still, in person.
- He does not offer to pay for dinner or buy you drinks, drop you home or pay for your cab. Key word here being offer.
- He does not call you after your first date. There most probably will not be another date.
- You have been dating for more than 3 years and he does not propose. 3 years is my acceptable threshold, but my minimum is a year and maximum 5 years. If he has been dating you longer than 5 years and there is still no hope of him making an honest woman out of you, get out while you still can, because he is wasting your precious time.
- He claims he never wants to get married. That just means you haven’t made a big enough impact in his life to change his mind.
- He has not introduced you to his family.
- He only meets you at night and never for daylight plans like breakfast, brunch, lunch etc. He is either ashamed of you or has something to hide.
- He has a child and you have never met them. This of course depends on how long you have known the guy. Dating people with children is usually tricky, seeing that they need to know if the relationship is going somewhere for him to bring the child into the mix. So if you have been dating him for long, and he still has not introduced you to his child/children, something’s gotta give.
- You always bump into him randomly like at clubs or social gatherings, where he proceeds to claim ownership over you all night, maybe even goes home with you, but he never actually invites you for plans. He only shows pro activity when you are in the same vicinity as him, but never makes an effort to create that opportunity.
- You get physical with him in anyway, and he pulls a disappearing act. He avoids you thereafter by not calling or texting, or not responding to your calls or tests, or not making an effort to see you again etc.
- He has another girlfriend or worse still a wife. You may be convinced that what you have is special, or that he will leave her for you, but if it does not seem to be happening, chances are it never will.
- You are stuck in a flirtationship. You do everything couples do and have pet names for each other etc, but he still hasn’t officially committed to you.
- He does not introduce you to people as his significant other.
- He only wants to get physical, but does not want to do stuff like spending time together, talking, getting to know each other. Do not mistake lust for love.
- He flirts with other women in your presence, or on social media. If he does not even bother to be discrete about it, he does not respect you, which goes to show, he really is not that into you.
- He does not make time for you. What could be more important?
I really think they also need to include the women’s version in this new version too. Here is my take on this, just to clue some of you men in on some shemale behaviours.
She’s not that into you if
- She refuses to give you her number, and asks for yours instead. She will not call, she was just trying not to hurt your feelings too badly.
- She gives you her number, but asks you not to dial it in her presence, because her phone is ‘dead’ or ‘in the car’, because she is lying and has given you a fake number.
- You offer to buy her a drink, and she declines.
- You approach a girl on the dance floor, and she immediately declares she is tired of dancing, or this aint her song, yeah you get the drift.
- She fails to put up pictures of you on her social media profiles. Girls do this a lot, so if you do not feature on her avi or any of her profile pictures then she is not that into you, or she is ashamed of you.
- She does not comment, or like any of your status and pictures, tag you in her statuses, tweet you frequently or retweet your tweets.
- She does not pick up your calls, or respond to your chats.
- You are always the one who initiates the conversation or otherwise, you will not speak.
- She always has an excuse as to why you cannot meet up for dinner or get together. She is not interested in spending time with you.
- She usually looks outstanding, but when she has plans to meet you, she does not seem to have made much of an effort to look as good. Women like to look good for their men, if she is not making the effort when it comes to you, then who is she making the effort for?
- She never uses any terms of endearment or pet names with you. Conversations are usually like “Hi ‘insert name’ ” or “Hi.” Or if you tell her you miss her and she brushes it off by changing the subject or ignoring the statement. Women are lovey dovey by design so there is something up.
- You are standing in a group of men, and she does not pay you the most attention.
- She sees you doing something wrong like flirting with other women, and she does not bite your head off. If she is not bothered by this, then maybe you are not that important.
- She is the typical damsel distress, who only calls when she needs a ride somewhere, someone to throw for her drinks or to take her friends out. She only contacts you when she needs something from you.
Is it weird that this is all that I could come up with? lol Anyway if you have more tell tale signs, from a male or female point of view, kindly share in the comments section, you could be helping us eradicate heartbreaks in the world by empowering people 🙂