What’s on my mind?

There is nothing scarier than wanting something for so long, then finally getting it, but not completely and only for a short period of time.  The fear is in getting what you want and it was not what you expected, or worse still, it is better than you could have ever possibly imagined. In my case it is a catch 22 seeing that both scenarios are worst case scenarios sigh.

I must admit that it is nice having someone else contributing to my happiness. It is a breath of fresh air, surprising, and amazing each and every time. But let us not jump the gun, anything can happen in the next fortnight, and I am already terrified of what may come. As for now I will bask in this new found attention and revel in it because I know circumstances will not let it last long.

I was having this discussion with some friends about married men who stray. Someone mentioned how married men have nothing to lose when it comes to chasing women.  They will give it a shot and if the woman is not responsive, it is onto the next one or back to the regular one aka the wife.  This is the same wife who has worked hard at training him on how to be a good man and how to cater to a woman’s needs. Then he takes these lessons and goes and practices them on someone else.

It is not a good thing when you find yourself questioning things that you should not.

Sometimes it is good to watch what you say, always.

If you go looking for things you will find it. I know this yet sometimes curiosity gets the best of me and I find myself looking.

Social media is a very powerful tool when it comes to studying peoples habits. It is amazing some of the things that I pick up on, and my suspicions end up being spot on.

I heard that the best relationships started off as friendships, judging from my past relationships, which failed, I started thinking maybe there could be some truth to this. But then a friend of mine tried crossing the line, I do not know if the alcohol instigated it, but I know for sure things may never be the same again. At least with strangers if things do not work out you can just kick them out of your life and recover, but with a friend, you have lost more than a companion me thinks.

I miss my friend, saddest thing is I have adjusted to not having him in my life and it doesn’t feel right at all.

I am at a cross roads when it comes to what I do, I am so confused about where I am, where I am going and what I want to do. Hopefully things will become clear soon.

I feel like I am being smothered, I need some space, do not just attach yourself to me, give me some time to miss you damn it!

Something that got me thinking….




4 thoughts on “What’s on my mind?

  1. I think there is a lesson in everyone and everything we come across.
    Ps, no way i’d hook up with a friend. Its the fastest way to fuck up a good friendship

    • Very true, we learn so much through the people we interact with.
      As for friends vs strangers I am so confused as to which is the lesser evil..

    • I am not looking at the end per se, more like it will go back to being unfinished business sigh Like I said, circumstances have gotten in the way which leave not much room for optimism..

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