2nd guest post for Christmas: Raymond Chepkwony

Raymond Chepkwony tells it as he sees it on his blog As Ray would say which is not just your number one blog, but a guide to your funny bone as he describes it 🙂

Ray begins every post with lyrics to a song, which sets the pace for every post, and provides it with a soundtrack which plays in your head while you read the post.

He is a prolific writer and I am sure you will enjoy this post just as much as i did.



Dear Wednesday the 4th of March 2009

“I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I’ve cried
And I’m sure gonna give you a try
If you want I’ll try to love again,
Baby, I’ll try to love again, but I know…

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein’ lucky, he’s cursed
But when it comes to lovin’ me, he’s worst…”

The first cut is the deepest – Sheryl Crow

Dear Jane,

March 4th 2009, my phone rings. It was an ordinary Wednesday afternoon, but even the most drab and ordinary days can quickly change into the most painful, gut wrenching and agonizing days. That is the day, you left me. I know it was not of your own choosing and I know deep down that what we had you still hold true. We were not married and so I didn’t have much say in what happened thereafter.

My friends and family simply told me to move on. They made it sound like love was some sort of light-bulb that one could just turn on and off. Almost two years later, and I still find myself thinking about you. Everyday, I wake up and I say to myself… “I have moved on…”. Everyday I wake up and I say, “Its over, I will not think about her today…” I seem to have this knack of reminding myself to forget about you. That is how my day goes. Life without you, is different to say the least. Do I still love you? With every breathing bit of my body I do… Do I miss you? More than the words that I say here will ever tell. Do I know that one day I will spend eternity with you? YES… For in you I knew and still know, that I had my “ONE”!

Wednesday March 4th 2009. My phone rings… it was an ordinary day… but the happenings of that day, still hurt deep. I sometimes wish I’d not have picked that call. But we both know I’d have been postponing the inevitable. I wish I had talked to you more about what I was going through, but I doubt that would have altered the course that is life. Were we having a rough patch? Yes we were? Do I wish I had treated you better? Yes! Did I do my best to be with you and did I love you with all that was me? BIG YES! Did I always know that you loved me? From the first day you said it! Something about you will always form a part of who I am. You forever shaped my heart. You melted my heart and in yours, my heart will forever belong.

Dear Robinson,

Wednesday March 4th 2009. My phone rings. It was an ordinary day. Little did I know that the happenings of that day, would forever alter my outook towards life. You meant so much to me. My life without you feels so empty. I can say you were my greatest friend. Life without you, feels rather unfair… It was not meant to happen this way. We were meant to have many years ahead of us. What we had was not meant to end this way.

Robinson, that morning, you left with my darling Jane. The two of you were all I had in this life. I knew that I could be stripped bare and lose everything, but never did I imagine that I would one day lose the two of you at one go. A cruel twist of fate is what people say happened. Others like you, I am told… I will find. I however want no other, because they might be like you, but they will never be you. I want my friend back, but I know that I will never get you back.

I imagine Jane reading this to you… If she reads to you as she often read to me, then you must be all smiles. I would often rest my head on Jane’s thigh, and she would read to me. Sometimes, I fell asleep on her lap and she would awaken me with a gentle kiss on the lips. Waking up from a light nap,to a kiss from her soft lips and a smile from her pretty face is a feeling yet to be replicated.

Wednesday, the 4th of March 2009. My phone rings… Jane’s face lights up screen. The ringtone I had assigned to her was Amani’s “missing my baby”… I chose it for every time we were apart, I missed you.

Wednesday, the 4th of March 2009. My phone rings. My world as I know it, is about to come stumbling down. My world as I know it, is about to fall apart. The walls I have built… the walls we had built for so many years are about to come tumbling down. All that we’d built together over so many years is about to come down in a heap. My world is about to come crushing down… I pick up the phone…

Wednesday, the 4th of March 2009. My phone rings… I pick up, smile on my face, a song on my heart and sweetness about to leave my lips… On the other end of the line is not you… the other end of the line is a voice I wish I never heard…

Dear Drunk Lorry Driver,

Wednesday the 4th of March 2009. My phone rings… on the other end of the line is not my sweetheart. The other end of the line speaks a voice. A voice I’d never before heard, but I will never forget.

“Habari… “

Wednesday the 4th of March 2009… a fairly normal start to my day. A very different end it would have. Jane had to take Robinson to the hospital for his vaccines. A bouncing baby boy we had been blessed with. Jane and Robinson meant everything to me… I was on leave and I wanted to sleep in that day. Jane had errands to run in town that morning after which, she’d take Robinson to the hospital to get his jabs… with hindsight, I wish I had given up my urge for being lazy and let Jane do her errands and we’d meet up at the pediatric wing of the hospital when she was done. My silly pride would not let me carry a child and meet Jane at the clinic. And now, I’m left with nothing…

Dear Drunk Lorry Driver,

I can say it over and over…but I will never believe it. I have looked into eyes and said it was an accident. I have looked into your teary eyes as you apologized and I have said “I forgive you…”. Truth is… I will never forgive you. You were driving under the influence of alcohol. You should not have been driving that day. You say you are now a born again Christian, but that in no way comforts me. On Jane’s birthday, on Robinson birthday, I am left wondering why it had to happen to the two people I loved more than life itself. I had big plans for Robinson… That boy was going to grow up to be a star. He was kicking so hard while still at his mother’s womb, that Jane would often joke about how Robinson would grow up to be an athlete. “It’s the Kale genes in him… “ she’d say.

The day I put to ground the two of you… side by side, is the day I felt life leave me. I am living and breathing… but watching as your remains were lowered knowing that you were both long gone,still haunts me. So many times before, we had said goodbye…but I always knew that you’d be back. I always knew that you’d hug me one more time. This time however, as you were lowered, I knew that I’d not hug you again. I knew that I’d have to wait till the afterlife to get that warm embrace that often comforted me.

I try to move on…but every time I see a father walk with his son, a tinge of envy and a jolt of pain strikes me. I try to move on, but ever time I see a couple hold hands, I cant help but think of the moments I spent with Jane. Every fight, every make up… every time you’d walk away angry. Every time you’d walk in smiling. All that I still carry. It is a heavy load to carry and one I doubt will ever get lighter. The good thing is that I know, you await me. I carry all the love in my heart knowing that one day, when my day comes, I will walk up to you and Robinson will be all grown and I hope to race the good fellow… just to see if he has what it takes to become an athlete.

As I walk the face of the earth, I hope that no father will ever have to go through my pain. I hope that no man will ever have to bury she that he loves most. I hope that no driver will ever have to look into they eyes of another and say “I’m sorry…”!

Jane and Robinson, for you, I always keep a candle burning. For you, I try to forgive. For you, I live on and try to make you proud. Jane and Robinson, I will be seeing you soon. Jane and Robinson, I will love you till we are finally together. Jane and Robinson, I will never forget Wednesday, the 4th of March 2009. For it is that day, the two of you took your last breaths. It is on that day, you passed on. It is that day, I live every day trying to forget. Wednesday, the 4th of March 2009. I will try letting go of the pain… it will take time, but try, I will.


25 thoughts on “2nd guest post for Christmas: Raymond Chepkwony

  1. I feel your pain. I too lost my true love. She left me after forty-two years together. Her body let her down. It’s been seven years for me, and I can tell you that time does heal, but they will never leave your heart. Hang in there, and talk to them daily.

  2. am so truly sorry. there is pain and loss we simply cannot describe and there is pain we simply cannot get over. I have said a little prayer for you. I lost a little boy-Andrew and i cannot imagine the loss of losing both a child and a spouse. I am so sorry.

  3. Pingback: As Ray Says: Goodbye « As Ray Would Say

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