6th guest post for Christmas: Magaribina

Magaribina is the amazing lady who reps for Kisumu City, as the name suggests. She is soo cool, kind, interesting and very witty.  She copies other people’s laughs, that should tell you that she is quite special One of the many friends I have made via this here world wide web. Did I mention she named me as one of her blog’s hall of famers??

Check out Magaribina’s Blog and read about everything from blogging tips for dummies, to how to make Ugali and get ready to be tickled by this awesome lady.

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AN OPEN LETTER TO SANTA CLAUS

Bwana Claus,

Receive many greetings from the Western Part of this East African country. Otherwise? How is you? I hope fine. I am also fine. Thank you.

Enough with the formalities.  Bwana C, I am writing this open letter because I am a very dissatisfied Kenyan. You see boss, I have been reading about you for many years. According to your PR people, you are the chap who goes around the whole world every Christmas Eve, distributing presents to all the children of this our great mother Earth in one night. (Your PR department, by the way, needs to  come up with some new stuff – people are beginning to doubt some of the stuff they write)

I have checked with my friends and their friends. None of us have received any Christmas packages from you in all our years. We know this because, when we read about your visits to other children, we hear that you leave toys under the Christmas tree and in people’s stockings.

That is where this discrimination of yours starts. According to my sources, that never happens  in our neighborhood. Those of us who are lucky to get presents usually get new school uniforms, shoes, books or something else that we will be using in school the next year. And they are usually given to us by our parents, with strict warnings of what will happen if we lose, spoil or break them.  No toys.
Is it because most of us have Christmas branches rather than trees? If it is then I think you are being very unfair. Didn’t you see how hard we worked to get that branch from our neighbour’s tree without being caught? Or how much time and effort we put into decorating  it with cotton wool and left over tinsel that we had carefully collected from our cousin’s graduation garland?

By the way, my friends tell me they left their mother’s stockings hanging on the door one Christmas Eve, in the hopes that you would leave them a little something,  just like you do all those other children. The only thing they got was a pre-Boxing Day walloping for ruining their mum’s best stockings . Jameni,   not even a bit of coal to at least prove that ‘S.C was here’ ?

I think some of the problem may  lie in your delivery methods. For one, not many of the houses in my part of the world have chimneys. In the few cases where you do find chimneys, a good number of them have so much accumulated soot in them that if you actually managed to fit your considerable bulk through them you would probably end up looking like some well-fed local street thug.

If you did manage to get in, you would not be able to get out through any of our doors as you usually do (and don’t try to con us that you go back up the chimney. Kenyans are not that easily cheated – just ask our politicians). In this country we have a very strong belief in burglar proofing all exit points, and all your usual escape routes are going to be blocked.  So of course, you would be trapped in the house all night, and would probably end up getting a little mob TLC the next day. Not one of your better ideas.

I think , though, you already saw this problem and that may be why you never visit. This very unfair Bwana C. You have to come up with alternative delivery methods. Kwani what do you do on the 364 days when you are not flying to all the other places except my ‘hood?

Then there is the issue of transport. Bwana C, do not attempt to bring your reindeer to some parts of this land. If you do, before you can say ‘ kufumba na kufumbua macho’  Rudolph and his buddies will  be on the days menu in a choma joint somewhere and  that mkotoketi of yours will be scrap metal in some jua kali shed.  After all, everybody knows that reindeer are just big goats, and we are not the type of people who go around playing with our food.

Halafu, you need to keep up with the times Bwana C. According to the bio sent out by your PR guys, this is part of your job description:

He’s making a List and checking it twice

Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

OK, if you know anything about Kenya right now, then you must know that we are a bit jittery about men in white beards from countries with a lot of snow who want to make lists.  Especially when our inclusion on those lists depends on what we did or did not do in the past. This year, if you try that list maneno with us, it is very likely that we will withdraw from your list of countries you are allowed to visit, so Bwana C, YOU better watch out.

It would also seem that  your job includes some very suspect behavior.

He knows when you are sleeping,

He sees you when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or good

So be good for goodness sake

Very creepy.  And probably the reason why all our bedrooms have burglar –proof windows and heavy curtains .

Finally , Bwana C, I think that you should compensate all the adult Kenyans who were wrongly listed in their childhood as having received presents from you. It is only fair that you do so since you have been masquerading as an equal-opportunity gift giver. I have enclosed my list of things I want for this Christmas. Pay very close attention to Numbers 50 through 96.

And just in case you decide to give me coal, please make sure that it is a whole sack-full, so that I can use it during our Nyama Choma bash at the end of the year. ( No, Rudolph will not be on the menu)

That is all I have to say for now.  Except that you need to let  Mama Claus also ride the sleigh sometimes.  And stop overworking those elves or you may find yourself facing the wrath of a chap known as Atwoli .  Wasalimu wote.

Yours sincerely

Magaribina

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