Word of thanks

I would like to extend a big thank you to all of my guest bloggers who took part in the 12 guest posts for Christmas, it was kind of short notice, but you guys still came through and for that I am extremely grateful and I really appreciate it.

To everyone who reads this blog, you now have 11 new blogs to add to your reading list/ blog rolls, and I hope you liked my Christmass gift to you.

There are many other bloggers whom I would love to feature on my blog, so look out for more guest posts, and if you are a blogger, get ready because I will hala at you soonest.

Have a blessed Christmas, filled with nothing but good cheer.

Kisses and cookies,

12th guest post for Christmas: Suetiful

I almost did not have a 12^th guest post by Christmas, which was my original target, but one of my bestfriend’s came through for me in the nick of time

Suetiful is beautiful, just like the name suggests, and has an excellent command of the English language. The coolest thing is, she does not go all grammar police on your ass when you spell something wrongly or incorrectly, which I tend to do often.

Her blog Coloured in Sepia is a stellar example of her prowess, I have no idea what/where Sepia is, and I usually pronounce it as one word, insepia :p

She writes beautifully, and I am not being biased just because she is my really good friend.

Suetiful is one of the bloggers who does TGIFridays on her blog and she will be doing today’s edition of TGIFridays.

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TGIFridays!!!!

It’s Christmas eve and my favourite time of the year..normally..this year I don’t know so much.. I’m so far away from home and it made me realize Christmas is spelt F-A-M-I-L-Y

I am excited about

Christmas..it brings out the best in people.

Today I am feeling

Content.. it’s a nice feeling :) and considering recent relevations about boys I thought I could love this is a good feeling

My Funky Friday Theme Song Is

Coming home by diddy dirty money (who in my opinion needs to see a therapist for his Multi Personality disorder)

This weekend

I will spend my very first Christmas alone. Like no friends, no family..alll ALONE!!!! It doesn’t feel like Christmas but it gives me a chance to start a tradition of my own..

I am really craving

Nairobi- java, westlands (and I hateee westy..lol) , warmth, my cab guy (stop with the side eye..he was soo cool)

I wish

I knew better than to get involved with boys with bad habits..jeez..they ALL have my number and I always pick up hee hee

I hope

Staying here for Christmas bears fruit..I really pray it does

Today’s Inspirational Quote Is

The only thing that should be attached to gifts is ribbons, not strings (the remixed version of the actual quote) ..by someone.

This Year

I think I found my best maid

Next year

I’d like to find the groom

Have a Fabulous Friday and a lovely christmas!!!!

 

11th guest post for Christmas: Disaster103

Next up is the very first person to grace Revealed with a guest post, Mr not 101, not 102, but Disaster 103, formerly known as my secret admirer, currently referred to as my twove

He once had a blog, but deleted before ever giving me the link yeah i’m not letting that slide.   I really think he should start one up, because he writes really well as you will come to read below, and has great stories to tell.

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My Year In Review

The year is coming to a close. It is not uncommon to hear people say that a certain year went by in a flash and what not. Though I find the statement extremely cliché I can honestly say that this year went by so very fast. It’s hard to believe, for example, that it was only last year when I had the misfortune blessing of meeting….nay, tweeting the author of this here wonderful, glittery blog. The year went by fast but that doesn’t mean that little happened.

Last year right around this time I would be curled up in my bed, music playing on my laptop with my phone either on Twitter™ or Mxit™(am paranoid about being sued) One year ago one of my shortest but most emotionally engaging relationships was in budding stage, the catch? She was older…and I was being charged 8 bob per 10 Mb or something by Safaricom for being in love. I was in love, online…which btw sucks…sucks worse than my punctuation. That came, and woke up my heart which previously had achieved the great fete of playing dead for decades…she turned my world upside down, literally. Last year Cold Play was just a band with attachment issues to me but thanks to her I found myself at that point in life where songs like Fix You started making sense. Again, not cool. Brothers I assure you, you don’t want to be in that pace where coldplay’s ‘The hardest; part applies to your life. That ended with a little heartbreak and a few coldplay songs on my playlist. Right now though only coolish songs like talk remain coz am Wolverine like that and I uuuunghed!!! out the pain….anywho that’s that and I moved on.

Met a lot of cool people this year, mostly thanks to Twitter™ which kicks Facebook™’s(?) ass by a mile btw. Nature allowed me to meet this girl/lady who I would only describe as peer pressure in a very beautiful package…she is sugar spice and everything alcoholic and I look forward to successful future inebriation sessions with her, in 2011 and beyond. Also met a few cool dudes…one especially stands out coz of his marginal propensity to perpetuate muhahe on a major scale. He actually makes a living out of it so no guilt there. Met a few more LGBT-ians, always a pleasure to meet people brave enough to live their lives as they want to.

I fell in lust with a girl who ended up becoming a very good friend. Then fell in lust with another one and secured her conjugal rights and a little bit of her heart which is still hung up somewhere else. Am not in any rush to secure that part, all good things come to those who connive and plot and launch takeover bids..so yeah in time Coldplay might be dusted off the shelf again.

Almost, almost became a daddy in 2010 which was a seriously tough experience for me but wacha that…another lesson learnt. Doomed is the man that is allergic to latex. At this point I seem to come across as the most promiscuous person but truth be told, am not….especially this year. I’m hoping to be even less promiscuous in 2011 but that’s a story for another decade.

Lots of fads came about this year which I dodged like the ninja I am. I didn’t don an Arafat, Mohawk my hair, wear those goofy as hell huge ass ‘geek’ glasses or do skinny jeans coz my nuts won’t fit. I basically was y fashion backwards, comfortable in my black skin self. And I also decided to extend my growing up deadline by a year. So October 7^th next year al grow up. I’m not the kind of person to let growing up come naturally. I loathe suits with a passion which is kind of retarded considering I am doing Economics and will have to penguin up sooner rather than later. So I have to set a specific deadline for being young when I have to force myself to take that jump. Not looking forward to that transition at all.

Tid bits about 2010.  Second semester I commandeered the conjugal rights of a chubby chick…Oh My God that was epic. You have to understand, I don’t discriminate in that sector but I always end u with small bodied mamas so this was a new frontier. It was a little struggle I won’t lie, so what if I have skinny arms and she wasn’t getting my subtle hints when I wanted her to twist kidogo but that is definitely something I will do again. Sooonest! I got a crazy pair of flatmates…Moses is a douchebag with a one year old kid. His baby mama has a bod that stops traffic all the way from here to Mars. Lai is a Sierra Leon born douchebag with a foot fetish and some serious brain dysfunction. He invented the phrase “but a pair of toes” which to him matters more than ‘butter face’…so yeah that’s what I deal with everyday but it’s fun. And are toes really a pair? I dunno. As most people who follow me on twitter know this year I have perfected the fine art of tripping on flat surfaces, I swear am not even surprised these days when I trip…I don’t instinctively look back to see what tripped me, it’s that bad.

My 2010 is dedicated to my 8 bob for 10Mb per day relationship, to the troop of bloggers who took it upon themselves to fuel my procrastination led by Cassandrae and this here blog, to all the tweeps I met and all my 396 followers and finally, to all those people that kept the real world interesting when the internet put up a serious stake for the control of my life, and to over 1000 episodes of anime that kicked all the seriousness out of my life. To all the life lessons that came this year and all the friends that I gained this year…to the few who I lost as friends and to the cousin who crossed over.

The next decade is uniquely special for me. This is the one that’s supposed to hold a lot for me. By the end of this decade I should be done with school…like completely and forever. And there is a possibility that by the time I write 2020 in review there might be a little disaster103 running around, shitting his pants and basically just making me pay for being such a hard to deal with child for my parents. Whatever the decade holds for me I hope I come out at the other end just as happy as I have this one, hopefully with all my family and friends still around. Here’s to hoping that we will all meet here or at a similar forum…a year from now ready to share a little more of our lives with faceless/anonymous comment strings. Have a fun and safe Christmas and a longer and more productive 2011.

 

 

 

 

10th guest post for Christmas: Wamathai

I think every Kenyan blogger has asked Wamathai to guest post on their blog, so of course I had to follow suite and jump onto that band wagon

He is most popularly known for his poetry. He has the ability to use his words to express how he feels, mold them into an art form and captivate you in the process.

What first began as a Facebook group with thousands of fans, eventually grew into a fully fledged website Wamathai. This is a platform where Wamathai himself showcases his poetry, and provides an avenue for other poets to share their work.

Look out for Wamathai Spoken Word, a poetry event organised by Wamathai every month for a chance to see poets do their thing, live and direct.

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The ones that got away

There are some things that happen in life and it’s not easy to explain them especially when they happen over and over. Let’s take me for instance. I seem to mess things up with women I really like or something just happens and we don’t end up together. I find it interesting how you can feel so strongly about someone but nothing of significance ever happens between the two of you even though you want it to and you are left wondering what if. It’s probably a good thing nothing ever happened but still.  Here are a few examples & yes, they are true stories.

Miss W

I loved among other things, her big expressive eyes. She could entice you with just her eyes if she put her mind to it. I was introduced to her by a friend of mine who she was doing at the time though she has always denied that anything happened between them. I’m sure something went down because my friend was a talker and he rarely lied about such things. He didn’t need to. He was a rapper (still is, I think) with songs in the charts and very popular with the ladies. He famously did someone he had just met in the same bed that I had blacked out in. Her boyfriend was in the living room at the time.

She liked my rapper friend but he wasn’t interested in anything serious since he had a girlfriend. She gave up on him before long and it worked in my favour since we started seeing each other a lot after that. It helped that she lived near my place and that we had both just completed high school and had a lot of free time. Her place was a bit crowded and her parents were not known to be very friendly so we were at mine most of the time. My siblings were in school, sister in college & brother in high school, and my mother was at work during the day so it was a perfect location. We were kissing before long & the clothes came off some time after that. For some inexplicable reason we never actually had sex. I had a reputation & anyone who knew back then would not believe me. I think I cared about her & I wanted something more. She went downtown on me however & I reciprocated but that was that.

She must have sensed that I wanted something more because she suddenly became distant & she stopped coming to my house. They moved out not long after that and it was years before I saw her next. I bumped into her in town and we started communicating regularly after that. One day she told me something interesting. ‘You are special to me because you were my first’ she said. I went quiet after that.

Miss T

I met her when I was two. We lived next door to each other & I saw her all the time but I didn’t think she was all that. I hadn’t discovered girls yet you see. My baby brother clearly discovered them early; he was caught doing the nasty with Miss T when he was only three & she was four. It was that, let me be daddy & you’ll be mummy ‘kalongo’ sex. She, another neighbour (let’s call him O) and I went to the same nursery school (same class even) as we were the same age. When she was six they moved to someplace far and I forgot about her completely. She moved back into my hood eleven years later and my, hadn’t she changed. She had sprouted a big badoonka-doonk where a flat ass had once been. Aside from the physical she was pretty cool and very mature. I enjoyed her company immensely and I spent as much time with her as I possibly could. I wasn’t the only one bedazzled with her, O was as well. We’d grown up together and he was my boy so I wasn’t worried about competition from him because I thought he’d back off as I’d shown interest in her first.

I could tell that she liked me and with that in mind I asked her to be my girl. She told me to give her time to think about it which I did. I was so sure she was going to say yes but in the end a no is what I got. She told me that her reason for saying no was that her mum wouldn’t approve. It just didn’t ring true but I didn’t press.  It later came out that her reason for refusing to go out with me was the lies O told her about me. He painted me as a womanizer and a fickle person while also furthering his cause. They eventually started going out but it didn’t last long. We are still friends and I see her now and then. Last I heard she got married and has one child.

Miss G

I met her after church one Sunday. She was with people I know & we got to talking. She was beautiful & pretty interesting but she looked so young and because of that I knew that I wouldn’t make a move on her. After she left I asked my pal about her and it turned out she wasn’t as young as I thought. All I could think of when I he told me that was that I hadn’t asked her for her number. My pal didn’t have it either.

I met her sometime later though at a concert and the most interesting thing was that she didn’t remember me at all. I found that odd but I didn’t say anything or give it much thought. She was still as interesting as before and we go so caught up with our conversation that we forgot about the concert. Before we parted I made sure to ask for her number. We met a couple of times after that and before long we started dating.

I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t like visiting a girl’s place if she lives with her parents. G had suggested that I go to her place but I had always had an excuse for not doing so but this one time she insisted and so I agreed to. I remember it was a Saturday afternoon & part of the reason she picked that day was because her parents weren’t around. I got there and she went to fix me something in the kitchen. She had just brought it when the front door opened and someone walked in. It was her twin, the real G. Turns out I had thought L was G but how was I know she had a twin. The relationship didn’t last long partly because of the G situation though L never found out that we met each other before she introduced us. I met the two of them a year ago and awkward does not begin to describe that moment.

So those are some of my ‘the ones that got away’ experiences. I wish that things would have happened differently of course but I know that it is experiences like this that make life interesting.

© james wamathai

9th guest post for Christmas: Joliea

Our next post comes from a lady who describes herself as extremely open minded and pretty

Personally I would describe Joliea as someone who fights for the plights of others and stands up for what she believes in. She is against discrimination based on one’s sexual inclination or behaviour and fights against hate speech, and ensures that these people are treated with the same dignity and respect that other people get.

Check out Joliea’s blog Me I Think and read more about human rights, stories from The Princess Project, Monday Rants, TGIFridays and various other musings from the mind of Miss Joliea.

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What does Christmas mean to me?

Well I could go back in time and reminisce on the times I had before but that wont help much. I guess my beliefs nowadays have changed and I no longer ‘believe’ much about christmas – only that it’s a holiday I look forward to because I rarely ever get time off from work *sigh*.

Christmas back in the day involved so many things. Remember when we had “nguo za krisi”? Oh gosh those were the days. We’d spend a whole year shopping around for the bestest clothes to wear for christmas and when the time came our mummies would give us a piece of their “bonus” from work so we could go shop for the xmas clothes. Then we’d make sure we never touch them till xmas day. They’d be put in a selected area after properly cleaned and ironed and a dash or two of perfume is sprayed on them LOL.

Then when the day finally came we’d all wake up excited because all our cousins, friends and family were meeting up to have one huuuuge xmas party at “Roasters”!! We always went to Roasters. It was a family tradition. We’d usually meet up at “Wimpy” (now Kenchic) Tom Mboya St since that was the best meeting spots. All of us were excited to see one another and we exchanged stories of how we (with/out our parents) hunted down the best ever xmas clothes and finally landed on the ones we had on.

We would then all cram up in two or three cars (mind you we were like 20!) sitting on one another and praying along the way for “journey mercies” because we knew how bad the roads were and how dangerously packed the cars were but no one cared. I remember we loved playing with the horses and had several horse rides, we played on the swings till it got dark, ate lots and lots of nyama choma and fries and what nots. Oh what a lovely time it was! The grown ups would drink and make merry while they got tipsy and eventually drunk. I remember we were scared when we knew the same people were going to be the ones driving. We simply had no choice.

Looking back now, I am left to wonder where in my story does “Christmas” and its meaning have to do with any of that. Is christmas merely a time to make merry and have fun? Have we lost its true purpose? Or are we going to hide in the excuse of “oh its Jesus’ birthday so we’re celebrating”? Are we going to claim that we truly are doing so?

Think about it!

8th guest post for Christmas: Kawiria

The next guest blogger is a personal friend of mine whom I managed to convince to start blogging. I remember when I was running the idea by her, she was like she would not have stuff to write about.

Well look at her now!! She has so many interesting things to say on her blog Snippets of my life about everything from relationships, to entreprenuership, there is something for everyone. I am glad she decided to take the plunge.

I also really admire the fact that she puts her blog out there and reveals everything she writes about to not only strangers but also to the people she knows. I can readily admit that I am not brave enough or ready to do put myself out there.

Kawi also follows the TGIFridays movement that I tried to start, and added her own personal twist to it, which makes it even cooler so make sure you stay tuned every Friday.

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Christmas *not the same anymore*

How come nowadays Christmas doesn’t feel as special as it was a few years ago … When I was younger that is. Everything is so different now. Is that what growing up is all about? Cheap thrills are becoming more expensive.

If my memory serves me right, small things like movie marathons on TV during the holidays and cartoons in the morning used to make us SUPER happy … not kidding. If folks get us take out, that was just heaven and they knew it, so it was worth a surprise. Nowadays, they bring you pizza, your first reaction is

“I wanted Meat Deluxe, not Hawaiian”.

Before it didn’t matter what pizza it was, all that mattered is that your parents brought you something. And that totally made your day.

Gone are the days that you are taken for Christmas shopping to buy new clothes, or watch Christmas movies and cartoons all day. Right now there’s no time to do that. It’s like the world is moving at such a fast pace than we can keep up. Normally, people are supposed to be on holiday mode … by that I mean, no work, just relaxing. But we cannot afford to do that, businesses need to run, people need to make money, and the economy still needs to be held stable or we’ll go down under.

I really miss those days. To be honest weren’t it for my friends and family asking me what I’m doing over Christmas or when we are closing office, I wouldn’t have known it’s Christmas time. It just feels like any other normal day or time. Town is not decorated as it used to be, with Santa images and Christmas bell deco’s with Christmas jingles singing everywhere. Is that how it is when you grow up or has it completely changed for everyone?

Our radars for occasions is on negative, we never realize the seasons. Christmas used to be a special time. Do people still send cards? I remember we used to buy a pack of many cards and send to our relatives and friends. And we would receive them too. We would decorate the house with ribbons and balloons, we would get a Christmas tree and the gifts thing at the bottom of the Christmas tree on Christmas day … although I was a bright kid, I’ve never believed in Santa, so I knew it’s my parents who’ve bought the gifts. We would go to church, dressed up in new clothes, which were specifically bought for Christmas day. Then go and eat, eat and eat … alooot! Sometimes we had parties to go to… which I loved because I would hang out with my cousins … the dancing, eating, drinking, catching up. Sometimes we would go back home and watch movies and do lots of nothing which is my other favorite pass time.

I’m remembering that now and I’m thinking; that to me was Christmas. It was fun. I know it was the day that Christ was born, but I also knew it’s the season you can get away with anything. It’s a season for fun and nothing less. Now it really doesn’t have a strong meaning. I mean it’s just Christmas..*YaaaY* we’ll get off from work. But there’s something different, it’s just not the same anymore.

This Christmas, I look forward to going home to my parent’s house and getting all the love … yeah I’m still a baby to them. I will buy gifts and surprise them on the morning if Christmas. We are all grownups now, so there’s no one to please. So basically, there’s going to be lots of food and drinks, movies, maybe parties, but no decorations, no new clothes, no Christmas cartoons … Do they even have them on the T.V line up anymore?

I hope when I really grow up…lol, seeing as I still have a long way to go and I get my own family, I will give my kids and family in general  the Christmas memory my parents gave me and my sister or maybe even better. That I’ll have time to make it merry for them despite the load of work and always make it the *fun  and nothing less day* it’s supposed to be.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS MATES!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

7th guest post for Christmas: Rockhead

My Life as a Rockhead is one of those blogs that make you reflect about your spirituality, and your relationship with God. Rockhead shares about her love for rock, her life experiences and her connection with God.

Rock music speaks to her and she shares her interpretation of it and how it affects her and relates to her life.

I honestly really do admire her spirituality, and her honesty about it. She makes me wish my relationship with God was stronger than it is today.

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My dating chronicles

Guy 1 – Boyfriend (here I use the term loosely)

I was thirteen, he was fourteen or fifteen yet he was in Std 7 and I was in Std 8 (go figure).
I should have noticed such crucial things from the beginning; it was doomed before it started. I mean, why was he fifteen and in a class lower than mine? I am not one to judge but still…

Our relationship was full of ups and downs in the span of two weeks that it lasted. The breakup was a silent one. I just stopped talking to him and he stopped talking to me. If only break-ups were as easy now. Sigh.

Guy 2 – Lifelong Crush

I met him when I was sixteen and he was twenty-one. I refused to be his girlfriend because he was too old and I felt I wasn’t ready to date. We had this whole non-relationship thing going for a while there then we drifted apart. It revived again over the years periodically and most recently I decided to “end” it, quietly. Hehe. Ask me later how that’s going.

Guy 3 – Boyfriend

I met him when I was nineteen when I was a first year university student. He pursued me with much vigour and vitality and before long I was in the box! Ours was those dramatic everybody-knows-your-dating, always-hanging-out-together, everybody-knows-your-drama kind of relationships. It was dramatic, full of break-ups and make-ups and overall bad for my health and well-being. It ended as dramatically as it began and wasted two years of my campus life when I could have been meeting way cooler guys. He was sweet though, sometimes. On the bright side,…..um…..there is no bright side.

Guy 4 – Rebound Guy

After I broke up with Guy 3, Guy 4 who had been on the sidelines posing as my caring friend, showed up. What ensued was a short tryst that I knew wouldn’t last even as it started. Complicated is the word I’d use to describe it. It didn’t help that Guy 4 was one of Guy 3’s best friends. Enough said. (I’m still a good girl though, please believe me!)

Guy 5 – Potential Boyfriend

Finally, I thought. For once, a guy I like who likes me back at the same time!

Only, he had a girlfriend and neglected to tell me…except, I was browsing through his Facebook page, minding my own business, when lo and behold, I came upon the dreaded relationship status “in a relationship with Miss X”. Of course I went to Miss X’s page and lo and behold again, she was an actual person! It didn’t end there but that is a story for another day.

Guy 6 – Pursuer 1

He was cool, a gentleman, a tad boring and very caring. Sadly I didn’t feel the same. I do miss the cool dates though. Oh, what happened, you ask? Honestly I don’t know. He just slipped away as quietly as he came. This was also the time I started calling guys I didn’t like who liked me “pursuers”. Haha.

Guy 7 – pursuer 2

Seasonal guy; knows how to buy gifts, especially food-related ones. I mean seasonal because he appears and disappears without warning, kinda like my own personal angel? Or ghost. Could be either – or really.

And thus summarizes my uneventful and yawn-worthy dating life. Of course there have been many more crushes and eyes-meeting-across-the-room moments. I’m looking forward to better encounters in the New Year; I clearly need new experiences (I know you are yawning vigorously by now, so am I).

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

6th guest post for Christmas: Magaribina

Magaribina is the amazing lady who reps for Kisumu City, as the name suggests. She is soo cool, kind, interesting and very witty.  She copies other people’s laughs, that should tell you that she is quite special One of the many friends I have made via this here world wide web. Did I mention she named me as one of her blog’s hall of famers??

Check out Magaribina’s Blog and read about everything from blogging tips for dummies, to how to make Ugali and get ready to be tickled by this awesome lady.

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AN OPEN LETTER TO SANTA CLAUS

Bwana Claus,

Receive many greetings from the Western Part of this East African country. Otherwise? How is you? I hope fine. I am also fine. Thank you.

Enough with the formalities.  Bwana C, I am writing this open letter because I am a very dissatisfied Kenyan. You see boss, I have been reading about you for many years. According to your PR people, you are the chap who goes around the whole world every Christmas Eve, distributing presents to all the children of this our great mother Earth in one night. (Your PR department, by the way, needs to  come up with some new stuff – people are beginning to doubt some of the stuff they write)

I have checked with my friends and their friends. None of us have received any Christmas packages from you in all our years. We know this because, when we read about your visits to other children, we hear that you leave toys under the Christmas tree and in people’s stockings.

That is where this discrimination of yours starts. According to my sources, that never happens  in our neighborhood. Those of us who are lucky to get presents usually get new school uniforms, shoes, books or something else that we will be using in school the next year. And they are usually given to us by our parents, with strict warnings of what will happen if we lose, spoil or break them.  No toys.
Is it because most of us have Christmas branches rather than trees? If it is then I think you are being very unfair. Didn’t you see how hard we worked to get that branch from our neighbour’s tree without being caught? Or how much time and effort we put into decorating  it with cotton wool and left over tinsel that we had carefully collected from our cousin’s graduation garland?

By the way, my friends tell me they left their mother’s stockings hanging on the door one Christmas Eve, in the hopes that you would leave them a little something,  just like you do all those other children. The only thing they got was a pre-Boxing Day walloping for ruining their mum’s best stockings . Jameni,   not even a bit of coal to at least prove that ‘S.C was here’ ?

I think some of the problem may  lie in your delivery methods. For one, not many of the houses in my part of the world have chimneys. In the few cases where you do find chimneys, a good number of them have so much accumulated soot in them that if you actually managed to fit your considerable bulk through them you would probably end up looking like some well-fed local street thug.

If you did manage to get in, you would not be able to get out through any of our doors as you usually do (and don’t try to con us that you go back up the chimney. Kenyans are not that easily cheated – just ask our politicians). In this country we have a very strong belief in burglar proofing all exit points, and all your usual escape routes are going to be blocked.  So of course, you would be trapped in the house all night, and would probably end up getting a little mob TLC the next day. Not one of your better ideas.

I think , though, you already saw this problem and that may be why you never visit. This very unfair Bwana C. You have to come up with alternative delivery methods. Kwani what do you do on the 364 days when you are not flying to all the other places except my ‘hood?

Then there is the issue of transport. Bwana C, do not attempt to bring your reindeer to some parts of this land. If you do, before you can say ‘ kufumba na kufumbua macho’  Rudolph and his buddies will  be on the days menu in a choma joint somewhere and  that mkotoketi of yours will be scrap metal in some jua kali shed.  After all, everybody knows that reindeer are just big goats, and we are not the type of people who go around playing with our food.

Halafu, you need to keep up with the times Bwana C. According to the bio sent out by your PR guys, this is part of your job description:

He’s making a List and checking it twice

Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

OK, if you know anything about Kenya right now, then you must know that we are a bit jittery about men in white beards from countries with a lot of snow who want to make lists.  Especially when our inclusion on those lists depends on what we did or did not do in the past. This year, if you try that list maneno with us, it is very likely that we will withdraw from your list of countries you are allowed to visit, so Bwana C, YOU better watch out.

It would also seem that  your job includes some very suspect behavior.

He knows when you are sleeping,

He sees you when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or good

So be good for goodness sake

Very creepy.  And probably the reason why all our bedrooms have burglar –proof windows and heavy curtains .

Finally , Bwana C, I think that you should compensate all the adult Kenyans who were wrongly listed in their childhood as having received presents from you. It is only fair that you do so since you have been masquerading as an equal-opportunity gift giver. I have enclosed my list of things I want for this Christmas. Pay very close attention to Numbers 50 through 96.

And just in case you decide to give me coal, please make sure that it is a whole sack-full, so that I can use it during our Nyama Choma bash at the end of the year. ( No, Rudolph will not be on the menu)

That is all I have to say for now.  Except that you need to let  Mama Claus also ride the sleigh sometimes.  And stop overworking those elves or you may find yourself facing the wrath of a chap known as Atwoli .  Wasalimu wote.

Yours sincerely

Magaribina

5th guest post for Christmas: Kenyansista

Kenyansista is a very beautiful, talented and hardworking lady. She is the mastermind behind The Ladies Room a blog for the young aspirational women which aims to encourage, empower, elevate and entertain.

Pages of My Journal is her personal blog where you will find more of her spectacular writing, and great poems.

Her talent does not stop there, she also designs cards and gift boxes, check out some of her work, search for her fan page on face book, House of MisStyles.

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I pray it never happens again

After the Post Election Violence I tried to disassociate myself with anything politics, not get involved when caught up in heated discussions with friends and tried to smile at the neighbours and friends who had previously treated us like strangers.

Disheartened at how slowly our politicians are taking us back to the very place we came from, with all the back and forth hate speech and pointing fingers as if not willing to bring justice to the thousands that lost their lives, I uncovered a couple of ‘dear diary’ entries  I wrote via my phone to my email during the PEV. This was my first entry.

January 1^st 2008

Dear diary,

It doesn’t feel like a New Year at all. This is the first night of many nights unknown to me. Slowly hours are dressing to days and the situation is getting worse.  I took for granted so many things in my life; like waking up in the morning, having to sit down with my family for breakfast while watching the morning news and being able to sleep in my own bed at night. Right now nothing seems certain. Not shelter by night or breathe of life in the morning. Life is far from normal. Some people are sleeping during the day and keeping wake at night, like mom, and those who are not sleeping it’s not because they lack it but because they do not have homes.

We had to wait till it was dark before we left what we had called home for many years. Mom prayed for us; my sisters, cousin and I before we left. Each of us was armed with our important documents in our backpacks and a change of clothes.

Walking that dark road through the fences, not knowing where the next stop would be, felt like we were slaves on the Underground Railroad waiting on Harriet Tubman to lead us to freedom. Right now my Tubman is God, I have not had the strength to talk to Him though but I know He knows what’s happening to our country and he will deliver us.

We found a place to sleep, thanks to God and the lovely strangers we met for the first time tonight. They cooked dinner and gave us a place to sleep for the night. It’s an abandoned house with no life but that is better than nothing. We joked a bit with my sisters but amidst the half laughter was the fear of the unknown, of wondering where my mother was and if she was okay or whether violence would erupt at night.

The room is quiet. I keep awake to listen to the men outside who are keeping watch. I can hear them walk back and forth from a distance. I wonder if my sisters and cousin are really asleep or they are also lost in thoughts like I am.

I sit in fear; even the blow of the wind outside startles me, I can’t sleep. It’s funny how time seems to go slow, an hour is like a day right now.

Dear diary, I forgot to carry my pen and paper but I will write about the days to come because If I don’t, I’ll break down and cry and in turn starve my soul of  the only remaining hope.

God is with us.

P.

The entries after this consisted of anger; anger towards our politicians, towards the killings and rape that was being reported in the news. There were ones expressing fear like when my little sister called (while I had reported back to campus) informing me that she could see smoke from houses being burnt and hear gun shots not so far from home and that they were packing ready to move.

Some entries spoke of more fear especially when I received yet another call from my mom asking me to pray because the bus they were travelling in was being stoned at a road block. But there were undoubtedly those of hope and love mentioning wonderful people like our pastor and a network of friends who sheltered family and many others.

I do not take the peace we have now for granted and I pray that this never happens again.

4th guest post for Christmas: Milonare

The world is shrinking very fast, I think it is now almost the size of a molecule! How else can you explain how small the world is?!!

On one of those rare Thursdays that I decided to grace Rezorus with my awesomeness, I met a group of tweeps there catching a drink. I knew a few of them and they proceeded to introduce me to the rest of the group. I spotted my good friend’s older brother among them and he turned out to be Milonare, what are the odds!!!!

You know how Smitta Smitten of the Pulse Magazine has some funny lingo which makes his articles impossible to read and understand?? Well Milonare has his own special lingo, and his Milologue is funny and cool, and when you are reading his stuff you just feel like jotting down some of his lingo and unleashing it to your friends. His use of imagery would make his English teacher proud.

Check out the adventures of Milonare on his blog Me I LOve NAirobi Regardless I love how he does that.

Crazy Chronicles 1 – A Friend in NEEDY

Crazy Chronicles 1 – A Friend in oNE instancE a Devil eventuallY

PreAmble

My third and fourth years of campus were awe-cuffin-some. The folks had decided to buy a Starlet for my bro and me. Given he was kinda indisposed, hey presto, Milo was mobile… I used to be a part-time teacher at a certain college that stressed its dress-code more stringently than a k-street peddler drawing thick lines where her eyebrows once flourished. Thus I had an income that allowed me to fuel the car, afford loose pints almost daily and purchase the latest designer wear from MackFree. It also enabled the pimping up of the aforementioned Starlet with the Booms and Twaffs that were the rave back then.

Much as we were friends with Obamba them days, my main wingman was the lady-magnet iGee. Now iGee was extremely humorous and quick-witted and this ensured he harvested a minimum of 5 numbers each time we would hang out. The plan was simple: I provide the wheels and pints, he provides the luscious, giggling damsels… Majority of the time this would work well, 3 of the 5 ensnared prey would be down for him, 1 would get impatient and leave, and 1 would undergo Milofication stages One through to Four. We had a synergistic relationship.

However, when human wastage would hit the machine using an electric motor to rotate thin rigid vanes in order to move air, it would really hit that machine… I remember that day as if it were just yesterday:

Shanyc was a real looker. Brown, silky skin uuwi. Lithe figure, gurudumu flawless, more cushi’n for the pushin’… Problem was, this young dendai was seemingly down for whateva. First come first serve, come one come all, offer valid while stocks last… Seemingly.

Nether from which she Came

Can’t quite remember how we met her but somehow we ended up driving to pick her from her place one Saturday night. Leafy suburbs, leave your ID at the gate, sign in sign out. As we approached her gate, we remembered her strict instructions to drive up, flash our lights twice, then reverse and park a few metres away by the side of the fence. There was a rustling sound from the fence and who emerges from the darkness; Shanyc… As in she burrowed her way underneath the Kei Apple fence, I kid u not! Like a mole (a hot brown dum-dumious mole, but a mole nonetheless). Dunia ina mambo…

She jumps in and we are off to Crooked Cue. We had an arrangement with the watchies outside Crooked and so we would buy pints from Mobil Mart and drink them at the car-park with the Boom on Twaff-mode. Given iGee’s gregarious nature, he soon spotted a familiar bamba sashaying her way into the club and scurried off in hot pursuit.

There come a Time

I took the bull by the horns and decided to strike while the iron was hot…  Step1, suggestive banter between Milo and Shanyc, given our already tipsy states.

Step2, gradual but focused reduction of the space that deigned to exist between us.

Step3, feather ruffling, lip-coalition, yellow-pages to set the stage.

Before I knew it, Shanyc is suggesting relocation. I think about iGee but realise he is a full grown Ndividual and anyway, I can be back in a coupla hours. I start up the engine and we’re on our way to Chez Milo exploiting haste, curtailing hesitation.

Funny thing with Stage3 is that any interruptions take you back to square one. I learnt that well that day. I arrive at the diggoz, head held high, chest pushed out, weapon of mass destruction ready for deployment. Shanyc has other ideas including, but not limited to, talking… Assi, ati what?kwani we are rehearsing for the Patricia Show? I try convince her to ingia the diggoz first we discuss, bilas! Ati we chill in the car and talk about her cuzo who she heard I was hittin on. AkiYaNgai nuuuuuu….

I tell her I’m tired, so we ingia diggz we’ll talk later. She’s adamant. I then say the car’s too uncomfy. She insists that she’d prefer to stay there. I tell her I’ll leave the door open, so when/if she’s ready, she can join me. She says sawa, and I secretly request Nguatah Francis to release the cold of July that night LOL. In the comfort of the diggz I soon forget about her and catch forty winks.

OMG

I wake up the next morning and sense something is amiss. Oh jyesssss I am alone. Assi, Shanyc survived the night in the mots?? I run out to the car and can’t believe my eyes. iGee and Shanyc intertwined like Strawberry and Vanilla in a Strawberry Ripple. How now? What is?

Kumbe iGee had seen us leaving the car-park. The sly dude jumped into a Jatco and yelled “follow that car!” He watched our activities from a distance and when he realized I had entered the diggz alone, he went ahead and finished my homework for me! Aiyayai!!

Next evening we were out with iGee laughing about it over beers as he prepares to harvest 5 more numbers…