How to stay single and focus on YOU!!


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In majority of  popular publications that women love to read like; Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Vogue, True Love etc, you will never lack articles about ‘How to catch him and keep him’ , ‘How to find your prince charming’, ‘How to make him fall in love with you’, I am sure you are familiar with all of these articles.

They are mostly about how women can find the perfect man, and keep him, and learn to please him and make him happy. They make it seem like the optimum goal of a woman is to have a man. Okay fine, God wants us to procreate and fill the earth, be that as it may, does it really have to be our primary focus?!

Don’t you wonder why you never find such articles in magazines targeted for men like Men’s Health, talking about ‘How to attract the perfect wife’, ‘She’s not that into you’ and all that crap. Men never have time to buy, let alone read about such nonsense.

I decided it is time to switch things up and give women information they can actually make use of. Okay, maybe I am not doing this for the greater good of womanhood I have some rhymes :) This is actually for my own good, a guideline to keep me focused on myself, and not get distracted by men. I thought I should share it with the world. It may help some woman somewhere, or give some man something to use against me :p

Disclaimer: I may not be going through all of these scenarios, they are things I have picked up from my experiences, other peoples experiences and TV the source of all our knowledge

Step 1: Forget him

If your single, it must mean you have just gotten out of something be it a fling or relationship. It may have ended badly, or amicably, but I am sure despite how hard you have tried, you cannot get that man out of your head. Here are a few suggestions on how to remove him from your system detox:

  • Delete his number, write it down in your physical address book for future reference. This is to avoid weak situations which will lead you into temptation like boredom, drunk dialling etc. You can save it again when you are stronger.
  • You have 2 choices. You can either deactivate your account on Facebook, or remove him as a friend. This is to curb the menace known as Facebook Stalking. I know you will be tempted to find out if he is miserable without you or if he has moved on swiftly, or just stare at his picture because you miss him. If your still on good times with that guy, deactivating is the better option because I am sure removing him as a friend will just bring beef, and you do not need anymore stress now do you?
  • Still on Facebook, if you were listed as ‘in a relationship with xyz’ that was a dumb idea by the way remove that status ASAP. Make sure you’re the first one to do it so that you do not come off looking like the dumpee cheap thrills . Keep in mind that there is an option to remove that story from your news feed, thus the whole world will not find out about it and bombard you with many dumb questions. The wisest thing to do is to remove that whole relationship status field from your profile.
  • Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. If his stuff is still at your place, put it in a box and either burn them, give them back, donate them to charity, sell them or store them on those high closets far far away. If you walk around with a camera like I do and you have a ton of pics, burn them in a CD, and bury them or take it upcountry and leave it there.

Step 2: Stay away from him

  • If you live together come we sin move out now!
  • If you work together that was such a terrible idea I am sure you must have thought ahead as to what you will do if shit happens, well the shit has happened, put your head up, and treat him like any other colleague. But stay away from him during the Christmas party.
  • If you used to go to church together, seat somewhere else, go for a different service or if worst comes to worst, go to another church.
  • I am sure you know his routines like where he goes shopping, where he gyms, where he works, where he clubs, try your best to stay away from those places to reduce the chances of bumping into him.

Step 3:Forgive him

Now that you have time away from him, take the time to get over him, and the end of the fling, relationship or whatever. Get the whole experience out of your system, make peace with it, forgive him, forgive yourself and move on.

Step 4: Learn from the experience

This experience will uncover stuff you may not have known about yourself, so this is a learning point where you get to discover your strengths and weaknesses. Take note and take this as an opportunity to develop yourself as a person.

Step 5: Mend broken bridges

When women get into new relationships/fling, some have this terrible habit of focusing on those men, and neglecting their family and friends.

Boyfriends come and go, but your family and friends will always be there for you.

So if you know your one of those chics, take the time to get re-acquainted with all the people you ‘dissed’ and reassure them you will not neglect them when the next man comes along.

Step 6: Learn to enjoy your own company

Women who have just come out of serious relationships find it hard to adjust to the single life. They had become accustomed to being taken care of, pampered, and their needs always being catered to. Well, you are now single, the only person who will do those things for you are yourself wake up and smell the coffee honey

Take care of yourself, treat yourself, go out on a shopping spree, go to a spa, go for a retreat. You may have gotten used to doing activities for couples, but you now have a chance to do things solo. It’s not so bad, give it a go.

If your really yearning for some company, call your friends, your family and kick it with them. I repeat, they will always be there for you :)

Step 7: Keep off sticky situations

Not really sticky situations, I just lacked a better title. By situations, I mean, if you have decided your off relationships for a while, stay away from places where you will be tempted to start something up.

Maybe I am not articulating what I am trying to say so I will be specific.

It’s like men seem to have radar for vulnerable women, and that’s when they hit you with their best stuff. You on the other hand, will be too amazed to see right through them. So stay away from clubs and raves, that’s where the hyenas are looking for their prey. The clubbing scene has really accelerated the chips fungaing phenomenon. Let this fast food culture die!

Of course there is alcohol panty removers as the series Shugaa coined it which just releases your inhibitions and weakens your senses. This paired with the hyena’s will enlist you in a loosing battle.

Step 8: Seek alternative sources of attention

Women crave attention, we kinda thrive on it God know’s why. Of course the best source is from a man, who is ready to tell you anything you want to hear, which is mostly lies, or exaggerated truths.

Seek attention from people who tell you the truth, like your guy friends, your father, your relatives. That’s an honest source of attention, which will only lead to positive results, and no one expects anything in return, or gets hurts.

Step 9: Get Busy

Distract yourself and get busy for you know what they say ‘An idle mind is the devils workshop’.

Immerse yourself in your job and give it your all. Enroll for your masters, get a new hobby, join a gym, take a dance class, buy a dog that you can carry around in your purse :)

If your preoccupied focusing on yourself, you will not have time to lead yourself into temptation.

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You are not obligated to follow the steps in chronological order, or to follow them at all, but I am sure there are a few things on here that can help you. If not, I hope you were entertained, because I had a blast writing this post I must say.

So here is to a happy single you and me :) Cheers!

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27 thoughts on “How to stay single and focus on YOU!!

  1. :( you really are doing this Nkiro . Well then toast to singlehood though I didn’t wish for mine like you did for yours none the less we are both gravitating towards the same finality….though some of your steps might not apply to me,ok next to all won’t…the learning part works and the getting busy part too. So magna cum laude here I come but am hoping you’ll be alright and don’t wait till 38 like you told me. The world cant wait…um…[38 - your age now] number of years before you get back in the game :(

    • I did not wish to be single, its circumstances, which must have come about for a reason, so for now, i will embrace it and cling on to it. I’m not staying single forever, just till someone worthwhile comes along, or till i get bored :)

  2. I say remove as friend. You should focus on healing and not on how hurt he may be when he finds out. He should be able to kind of understand really! Unless maybe you need him for other reasons e.g networking or connections and can’t afford to be on his bad side.
    I love especially enjoying your own company bit.

    • You have a good point by the way. If he doesn’t understand, that’s his problem. And if you do not learn how to enjoy your own company, you will never get over being alone..

  3. Thank you for writing this article. It helped me realized
    many things. I feel more comfortable with being single
    now. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and told
    me that we rushed into a relationship, he felt like we
    were just fuck buddies that did not have a real
    relationship and that we could stay friends. At first I
    cried for like two days. He told me that he loved me the day before he broke up with me; I thought everything was
    going well. I checked his facebook and from there I new he
    had moved on. This made me feel bad, so kept asking him
    for a reason, why he broke up with me. I remember this so
    clear, he told me that I wasn’t his type. This sentence
    broke my heart in thousands of pieces. I couldn’t talk to
    him after that until I saw him at the grocery store one
    day. He saw me coming, I have no escape, so he said “hi”
    and invited me to have lunch. I was not over him yet so I
    accepted…(bad idea). We ended up kissing. Now we are
    friends that have empty sex once in a while. Now, that I’m
    single I spend more time on myself. I can do whatever I
    want. But I do miss him. I hope I forget him fast.

    • I think that if you continue seeing him you will not get over him since you are still emotionally attached to him. Maybe you just need some space, time out to concentrate on your self. time heals all wounds, i know it is cliche, but there is a lot of truth to it.

  4. I’m single at the moment. Sometimes I long for a partner, but others I absolutely love being single because I can just do as I absolutely please! There’s a lot to be said for it!

  5. I loved this everything had to do with me also with the church part he continues going to my church nd its crazy becus while being widd me ihad to call him out on flirting with someone from my church nd since he was “so much in love with me” he stopped flirting with her but once we broke up he went up to her in front of my face and started again i knew it was to hurt me but i still couldnt help but crying becus all ive gone throo for him nd i get bulshit from him now and idont have a facebook but i have friends that do and they keep telling me how he continues to write status’s about me and its frustrating :(

  6. Thank you for this article. I just broke up with my bf. I am planning to stay as busy as possible to get him out of my mind. I’m so glad I got a job! My new goal now is to make myself happy by doing the things I love to do. At the end, it’s in our hands to be happy, not depend on a bf to make us happy. :)

  7. Thank you so much. I’ve been married for 26 years and we just separated a little over a month ago. I don’t know how to be single; I was married all my adult life. Everything (movies, songs, activities) is about relationships, break ups, make ups, sex, etc. I had to hunt for an article like this and it is very helpful. I had already done some of the things you listed. I’ll be fine but I just need to get through our anniversary,which is in two weeks.

    • 26 years!! I pray God will give you the strength to get through this, I am sure your anniversary will be particularly hard, but just surround yourself with your loved ones and things that make you happy, and you will be fine :)

  8. Do it! I’m off relationships & it’s hard to stay focused! I tossed a # from a perfectly decent appearing guy the other day, leave my head phones on at the gym, smile just enough to get the feel of flirting again but turn away before any conversation can occur! I just for once want to not be distracted & to stay string enough for once to take the time to find what I really WANT, not what I fall into! Weird but I think I’m gonna like what happens!!

  9. Thanx alot for this,just what i wanted to hear and it gave me alot of insite, :D i definetly goin to this in this up coming year,and i also enrolled at college so ill be plenty busy,

  10. I’ve been going through a cycle of unable to let go of tge father of my kids for awhile now. I need and I want to let go!!! I seriously need to follow these steps ans embrace the feeling of being alone….I need to longer be scare of being alone.

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